Anyways, congrats to Brian on his second title and thanks to everyone for making it such a memorable year in 2014. This is the first year we have retained every single member of the league for the next year and I think it's fantastic. The draft went smoothly (and extremely quick) and it was certainly weird not being able to do it in person for the first time in ages. However, the general consensus was that the league had lost it's lopsided nature and the lower-tiered teams had improved while some upper-echelon teams had regressed. Each team seems to be cautiously optimistic and I think that will be benefit the league greatly. Only four teams missed out on the playoffs this season but I wouldn't be surprised if at least two (Hot Take alert) of them make it to the postseason this year (looking at you Dom, Will, Dave and Chris).
Jamaal powered Brian to a second title in '14, we thinkin' repeat?
NAH.
Now that we got the sarcasm out of the way, let's focus on the matchups at hand for this pivotal first week (EVERY WEEK IS CRUCIAL #NoDaysOff). Losing week one is a giant punch to the dick, we all know that, but if you lose, there's always the next 12 weeks! But seriously, don't lose because the rest of your season is essentially over. 3 of the 4 teams that didn't make the playoffs last year LOST week one, sooooooo you might want to consider throwing in the towel if that happens. However, 3 other playoff teams lost week 1 last year. Essentially giving you a 50% shot at the playoffs after one week. So don't slip up early.
Without further adieu, let's preview y'all.
Veto Corleone vs. The Upper Deckers
It was a rough end of the season for Jimmy Gavin in 2014. Will's team endured a nasty little five game losing streak in the middle of the year and just came up short for the postseason. Poised to return to the playoffs, he dealt Alfred Morris over character issues to Josh for DeMarco Murray to solidify his three keepers. A strong nucleus of Murray, AJ Green and Justin Forsett paired with Big Ben should have Will in strong position to "upset" Benny Football out in Cleveland. Speaking of the man himself, the Cookie Man is fresh off another playoff appearance in 2014 but is still unable to take the next step in the postseason. Like his QB Peyton Manning, who also was repeatedly knocked out early before reaching the promise land. Is this Ben's year? Maybe. It will solely hinge on his trio of Broncos for 2015 success. Locking up CJ Anderson allows Cooks to potentially ride Denver's offensive onslaught into the playoffs for a fifth straight season. Only Joe and Nick have made the playoffs every year of Slushie Sundays besides Benny Funtime (1 combined title though *sigh*).
 |
| Does Peyton's arm (& forehead) have one more title push for Ben? |
Taco Corp vs. Kissing Suzy Kolber
After an impressive rookie campaign, Vinnie was poised to take the next step in 2015. Stockpiling draft picks and keepers, his team's depth and top heavy stars are hoping to get him into the finals in his sophomore season. Led by OBJ and Aaron Rodgers, look for KSK to put up a boatload of points on teams. If Eddie Lacy replicates last season's successes, he could be a lock for the finals from the onset. No pressure at all, I mean it. As for his opponent, the always deadly Dave Troiano, he's looking for a return to the playoffs after a very disappointing 2014 where he neglected to play a kicker for most of the year. This year, fueled by a new crop of young running backs after cutting ties with Marshawn Lynch, Taco Corp is viewed as a darkhorse in some circles. With a truce with Brian set in stone as well, there isn't much holding Dave back this year. Unless he acquires Torrey Smith again...
 |
| I just enjoy watching this. |
Team Next Year vs. Destroy HIM
Although his team name is a bit outdated, Chreeyusz is hoping that this year shows more promise. Even with him "throwing in the towel" mid way through the year, he still ended up with a top playoff seed. Unfortunately bounced in round one, he's poised to take the next step with a core of Russell Wilson, Mike Evans and Jeremy Hill. The youth movement continues, just hope that he was wise to deal away AP. Because we all know what effect AP has on children...For Dom, it was another year out of the playoffs but after a busy offseason (acquisitions of Forte, AP and Megatron), he's in great shape for his first career playoff berth. Although his keepers seem past their prime in a ways, they still hold immense value as Dom hopes he can just get him into the Big Dance. Thankfully, he got a major boost from spot backup DeAngelo Williams Thursday night to get him out to 14-point lead. Whoever wins this game will hold current bragging rights in the Caputo household and either one of these two will face immediate regret for their shocking AP trade.
 |
| Dom (left) with his new star player (Peterson, right). |
Schenectady Schmeckles vs. Date Rape Bill Crosby
Already poised to be the highest scoring game of the week, the defending champ got a massive boost from his stud tight-end (Gronk) Thursday night to the tune of 30 (29.9 to be exact) points. Brian's team and team name (could be the best of the year already) are already in midseason form. All depends on if his Falcons duo can carry the weight for the Fightin' Crosbys. It must have been bittersweet for Chris however, as his Patriots won impressively after their championship ceremony only to watch Gronk spike balls all over his face TV. Thankfully, Chris stuck to his guns in this year's draft and stashed Tawm (Brady) and kept Julian Edelman in a last-minute move (also ruined my draft strategy, no big deal though). It paid dividends immensely, as his trio of Patriots, Gostkowski included combined for 56 points to set the tone early. Brian remains the heavy favorite with the bulk of his lineup to play but it's always nice to see the title holder pushed to the limits every time he plays.
 |
| 1000% chance this already found it's way into Brian's porn rotation. #GoofShit |
Sweet Drippins vs. Mr. Bobbum
Personally, I believe these are two top-tier teams. Some may not think so, but I believe Josh has yet another quality team on his hands. As for Aaron, it was the general consensus that he had one of the strongest drafts (like last season) and is hoping to improve off of a blowout playoff loss last year. Acquiring Marshawn Lynch for Drew Brees was the first step and pairing him with the GOAT, Antonio Brown (see last night's game) will only make scoring easier. In a 24-point hole, Josh is hoping to begin the year on a positive note after coming up just short last season. He traded for Alfred Morris and dished his prized asset DeMarco Murray but Dez Bryant still remains. With a banged up Randall Cobb in a number one receiver role and Ryan Tannehill poised for a breakout year, is it the year that Josh claims his second title?
 |
| Unrelated. Just the funniest show on the planet. |
Good Toast vs. Too Many Cooks
Although there wasn't a "Game of the Week" for this preview, this would seem like a strong candidate for it. However, these teams are certainly not as strong as they were last year and both owners would have to agree. The pedigree of both owner's are strong though. Both stars of the hit YouTube series "The Ciferanos" (plz watch, link in bio) have made the playoffs every year since the league's inception and Joe is still seeking that gold jacket championship trophy he's desperately coveted like Shoother McGavin in Happy Gilmore. Shooter McGavin last season (Nick) was devastated (and still is, I lied earlier) about how his team's huge comeback in the Super Bowl was foiled by his golden goose all season. After Andrew Luck Nick's large carcass into the postseason and cruised to the finals, he picked the worst possible time to have his worst possible game. I would show highlights from the game but there simply wasn't any...To make matters worse, in an effort to troll Brian that week, he picked up Andy Dalton, the hero of his 2013 Super Bowl triumph for some added inspiration and if he simply would have started again in last year's title game, we would be talking potential dynasties this week. Surprisingly, this is projected to be the lowest total matchup of the week but I assume that it won't be decided until Sunday night's game.
 |
| When you average 30 points a game all year and get 0.3 in the SLUSHIE SUNDAYS SUPER BOWL. |
No comments:
Post a Comment