Week 2 Preview: #RiseUp

Happy Friday everyone. Assuming you read this when I posted this and not a few days after. Pieces of shit, whoever you are. Anyways, the season got off to great start. Of course it did, because I won. But seriously, it was awesome. This is a huge week for all teams, regardless of last week's result. Starting 2-0 will put you on a fast track to the postseason while starting 0-2 may have you one foot in the grave already. Last season, Chreeyusz and Ben each started off 0-2 and ended up making the playoffs while the four teams that start 2-0 all ended up in the postseason. This could be a very foreboding stat for Dom and Dave, two owners who won last week and desperately trying to get to the postseason.

By now, you all know that Dave is my pick to win it all even over myself so get used to the Troiano-slanted media coverage from here on out. Kidding, but you can expect more Dave quotes than your heart desires.

However, Dave is not featured in the game of the Week. Instead, I've opted to pick the classic Brian vs. Will matchup that will give either team a leg up in the division. Brian's Falcons led roster has another favorable matchup and looks to feast on a depleted Giants secondary. I asked Brian about his matchup against The Upper Deckers and he "modestly" stated,

"I'm clearly the Superman of this league, but all superheroes have a weakness and unfortunately, Will is mine (and also a 9). I still have a bad taste in my mouth from two years ago when he beat me by two points because I started some cupcake WR from the Giants who put up a goose egg. Will's team is balanced top to bottom which is rare for this league especially with people like Dom, Josh, and Joe drafting like they're the Billy Bean(e) of fantasy football. All jokes. I'd like to point out Will has yet to pick a defense so I imagine the projections will be even for our matchup come game time Sunday. Lightning doesn't strike the same spot twice nor will Will ruin my bid for a perfect season a second time." 

A lengthy response that is warranted by his team's early success. Will Julio Jones' new-found hamstring problem affect this outcome?

SAY WHAT AGAIN, MOTHAFUCKA!

Will Gavin knows the challenge at hand. In his weekly press conference, he stated that "Brian's got a strong team but the Falcons can't carry him all year long. I like my chances this week." And why shouldn't he like his chances? He's one of the few owners that can figure out Brian and ever since the infamous ear ring incident at Ben's, tensions have risen when these two teams meet up. It shall be a battle of the tight-ends as Gronk looks to put Brian on his back while Will hopes to get a great start to the week Thursday night with another strong performance from Travis Kelce. Will would like to close by adding that Brian is an "Idiot."

Without further adieu, let's preview y'all

Sweet Drippins (1-0) vs. Too Many Cooks (1-0)

Another strong candidate for GOTW but here's another battle of undefeated squads. Last year, Nick took Aaron to the woodshed on his path to the championship game but now he wants some revenge. Coach Pommer, when asked about his matchup and the possibility of starting 2-0 said,

"It would be like if Stevie Wonder was given the gift of sight. I would be ecstatic, but I know it not be an easy task. Nick's had my number every year. I'm gunna focus on my guys getting the job done on the field. And heads up to all the owners; if I lose this week, everyone is on the trading block. (I'm) folding up shop." 

Extremely volatile reactions should be expected after Aaron's matchup, keep a close eye on that.

Over the past 4 years in the league, Nick has always been a fast starter. With last week's win, he improved to 6-1 in matchups that occur in the first two weeks of a season. The year he didn't start 2-0? He won the title. So Aaron, I may actually sit my whole lineup just to align myself with destiny. Regarding his opponent Nick stated,

"This is a tough task on our hands this week. Personnel wise, he may have the best lineup in the entire league and I don't even think they played to their full potential. We got fortunate squeaking out a win last week but this one will require extra preparation. I studied film with Andrew (Luck) all yesterday to help him gameplan for the Jets on Monday night. We're hoping we can tag 'em (Pommer) with a loss in fantasy and in real life in primetime."

Veto Corleone (0-1) vs. Taco Corp (1-0)

A week into the season and Ben is already having doubts about Peyton. He's not alone. However, this is fantasy football so this is far more important. Once again his trio of Broncos are in primetime on Thursday against the Chiefs and they MUST be better in order for Ben to get a win. I asked Ben about his Denver concerns and he said,

"I'm scared about the Broncos, man. Shit. Like, what the fuck. I've almost lost faith after hearing the fantasy pundits this week. It might be ready to send Peyton out to the pasture. I'll give him a couple of weeks to mesh with Gary Kubiak, but it's a win-now (fantasy) league. Honestly I'm most pissed at O-Line. Whatver, I mean honestly who are Ty Sambrailo and Luis Vazquez?...They couldn't block an STD from that girl from Myrtle Beach that Brian brought home." 

Shots fired at all parties. This week, he faces the upstart Taco Corp hoping to derail the hype train happily driven by Nick Caputo. When asked about facing Troiano fresh off his biggest win in Slushie Sunday's history, Fontana stated, "I was impressed by Taco Corp's young core of weapons last week. Especially interested to see how Carlos Hyde this week up against a weak Pittsburgh defense. I wouldn't call Dave a lock to make it deep in the playoffs but I have respect for his squad and will definitely call him a contender."

***Update***  - after the Thursday night game, Ben leads by only 26 with three players (Anderson, Maclin, Thomas) taking the field. Anyone notable not listed? Peyton. Although he didn't look like his old self, he hung in there and compiled a strong fantasy game. Instead, Ben rolls with Carson Palmer in hopes of his first win.

Peyton Week 1 highlights...

One league executive stated this week, "I'd be honored to lose to Dave in the playoffs." That was me. Yes, it's been one week but how can you not rally around this squad? Another quote coming through airwaves said, "I'm honestly now a fan of a fantasy football team." This wasn't me. The hype is real. How will Davis follow up Week 1's upset against Ben? He'll be in a hole early with the Broncos playing on Thursday but Dave has confidence in his team. This one should be decided pretty early on Sunday so we'll know whether to start ramping up the production of the Taco Corp Super Bowl champions shirts.

Carlos Hyde broke my ankles just watching this.

GOOD TOAST (0-1) vs. Schenectady Schmeckles (0-1)

After a lengthy look in the mirror and some herbal remedies (wink, wink), Joe found clarity in his opening week loss. Thanks to a higher God (Tebow?), he's seen the light and now has renewed faith in his lineup as he patiently waits for doobie brother Le'Veon Bell to be reinstated. I'm sure if Joe had it his way, Bell would've been awarded rather than suspended but due thanks to "The Man", he's without his stud running back for one more game. This is game is very important since neither team wants to fall behind at 0-2. When asked about his chances this week without Bell again, he replied,

"My chances without Leveon Bell. Hmmm well for starters I'm fucked. Which is why if you see my lineup it is a very hit and miss team. This week, I'm hoping that most of my players go off because they're all big playmakers with risk of getting only a handful of points. Next week, the game plan will go back to normal with Bell in the lineup and Hilton (might not play Monday but I'm risking it) unless I hear otherwise before Sunday. Is this where I want to be in the standings? Hell no! But I'm doing what I can with what I got and I believe that's good enough to push me to the playoffs. #KeenanAllen4Prez"

"PASS DA WEED BOYYY!" - Le'Veon "Cheech" Bell

A strong start for Chris was ruined by running into the buzzsaw which is Brian's team. In regards to opening week, he told me, "I like my team but I don't love it. But I think i'll definitely be able to compete. Hopefully for a playoff spot." The Brady-Edelman combo should consistently keep him competitive but a return of Arian Foster in the upcoming weeks would certainly help. At this juncture, Chris is projected to narrowly squeak out a win but I can guarantee that Joe will do everything in his power to avoid an 0-2 start.

Kissing Suzy Kolber (0-1) vs. Team Christian (0-1)

Vinnie fell victim to an upset at the hands of the Dark Knight last weekend but it looking to grab his first win and kickstart his championship run. Facing a team also desperately seeking a win in Team New Year, Crocitto had this to say about his matchup.

"It's Week 2, to say this is "must win" would be overreacting. This is an important game. Neither program has it in their best interest to start the season 2 games back. We squared off in the playoffs last year, I know what kind of owner Chreeyusz is. I know he's like a lot of programs in the league who have some serious questions to answer. We at KSK need to get better on Sunday, and I think Monday morning it will show we did."

Chris has had some brutal luck in the past few years with injuries and lack of RB's but responded well last year after a slow start. Sticking with his players at this juncture are a wise decision as Mike Evans has yet to take the field yet and Allen Robinson played like what you'd expect from a Jags receiver. It appears as though he may have a legitimate WR trio with the sustained production of Jarvis Landry. He'll need all of them to click this weekend to avoid 0-2 against a very tough KSK team.

Chreeyusz could use a few of these.

Mr. Bobbum (0-1) vs. Destroy Him (1-0)

Dez's injury (which may get worse!) has left Josh in a sorry state. Already looking into trade targets to gain more draft picks, he's obviously trying to win with the pieces he has left despite the terrible news. He's already thrown out numerous trade offers and it is not going to stop. But time heals all wounds. A win this week against an above average team like Dom's will possibly get Josh off the ledge for the time being. Also, Josh is also taking offers for Dez Bryant if you haven't heard. Yesterday he offered Chreeyusz Dez and Frank Gore for Jeremy Hill and Mike Evans, so yea...try topping that one.

Live look at Josh reading the Cowboys' injury report.

This marks the second year in a row that Dom posted a nice statement win to begin the season. In 2014, he started off 3-1 and proceed to miss out on the playoffs at 5-8. He has yet to make the playoffs in his career but he's very optimistic. Each year he's held supreme confidence in his team and it's let him down more than the Raiders have done for myself. Adrian Peterson looked off last game but he's still poised to flip the "switch" this week against a strong Lions defense. Speaking of Lions, Megatron put up a dud last week in game that featured nearly 700 yards of passing offense. Curious to see what he does to follow it up against Minnesota.

Dom looking for the 2013 Adrian Peterson to emerge eventually.