Injuries are out in full force already. Aaron's promising start is now marred by the fact that Tony Romo is gone until fantasy playoff time while guys like Mike Evans, DeMarco Murray and CJ Anderson are shitting themselves with ridiculous amounts of underachievement. Due to this, his hand was forced and it made him send Marshawn Lynch to Will in exchange for Big Ben. It is safe to say that Aaron is going all in this season and as one of the four remaining unbeatens, you can't blame him.
Craziest stat of them all? The fact that the 1st through 6th seeds in last year's playoffs are a combined 2-10(!!!) in the first two weeks of action. Josh, Ben, Chreeyusz and Joe are all winless so far and as I predicted earlier this year, the league is becoming more balanced and we're simply starting to feel the effects. Trades have already started to fly in and I have a feeling we aren't anywhere close to being done.
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| Owners trying to get their teams in order. |
The Upper Deckers - 108.9
Date Rape Bill Crosby - 149.1
A viable upset attempt went unfulfilled yet again as Brian vanquished Will's team in Week 2. Matt Ryan wasn't even at his best but the tandem of Ice & Julio has paid immense dividends this season already. Brian was too busy vetoing trades to have a comment for the week but I can try and guess what it would sound like..."Suck it Will, you needledick. My teem's bettre (assuming poor spelling) then everyone else so you can all like (lick, but his autocorrect would throw him for a loop) my nuts. Goof thing I won't need to have the trophy move from my house for a while, it's serving as a fantastic butt plug for your collective girlfriends (and mothers) on lonely nights. I'm ready to cream on the rest of this league all season. My team is the big black **** and the rest of the league is a tight butthole (**thrusting motion***). #RiseUp"
Dave gets the next shot at Brian next week, who's been unable to beat him in many years. Most of the league will be pulling for the upset but this is what the Succubus (Brian) feeds off of. Right now, his team would be the safest bet for a championship if Vegas produced odds for our league (maybe they do?). I know it would make alot of readers cringe reading that but you can't deny how strong Brian's team looks. Matt Ryan will be a Top-10 QB while Gronk, Charles and Julio are the top or close to the top of their positions. If a second running back like Joseph Randle can emerge in the loss of Romo, the league should be very worried.
As for Wilhelm, his dream of a perfect season has fell by the wayside. However, team but up another strong showing and it has people in Buffalo buzzing over a potential playoff berth after missing out for the first time in his career last year. A late injury to Eric Decker wasn't the only big piece of information that crossed the news wire yesterday. Hours before, Will pulled off one of the biggest in-season trades in recent history (second to the Eifert-Doug Martin trade) to acquire his boy, Beast Mode in exchange for Big Ben. When asked about his newest asset, Will said,
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| Brian, in his natural state. |
"Marshawn is a big time pickup for this organization. He brings an attitude and a fire to the team that we've lacked over the last few seasons. He is the centerpiece for a championship caliber team. That being said, depth is hard to maintain in this league. A lot of things will change between now and ten weeks in advance."Ah Marshawn, it seems like decades ago where Will and I watched your college highlight reels (watch this link and thank me later) laughing our asses off and now one of us finally has him. Let us not forget Beast Mode's timeless appearance in the 2009 Bills 12 Days of Christmas video that had us in tears. Viral videos aside, this is a massive upgrade for Will and if DeMarco Murray can reach double digit rushing yards on the season, The Upper Deckers would have the best trio of running backs in the league.
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| Never change, Beast Mode. |
NOW, FOR YOUR WEEKLY RECAP....
Largest Margin of Victory:
- Schenectady Schmeckles over GOOD TOAST - 95
Upset of the Week:
- Schenectady Schmeckles over GOOD TOAST
Most Points Scored ($5 for Week 2):
- Schenectady Schmeckles - 162.7
Least Points Scored:
- GOOD TOAST - 67.7
Best Waiver Pickup:
- Chris Johnson (Veto Corleone) - 11.6 Points
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| 0-2 teams feeling like this on Tuesday morning... |
Taco Corp - 101.1
Well, if you weren't sipping the Kool-Aid last week, get in line. The hero we all deserve squeaked by this week with the help of an old friend to move to his first career 2-0 start. Already a shoe-in for the Coach of the Year, Dave called upon Larry Fitzgerald, the old warrior for another great performance as he turned back the clock for a three touchdown game. In my weekly discussion with Coach T, I asked how he feels about his great start and he told me,
"You know that feeling that Gordon Bombay had after they beat Iceland in the Junior Goodwill Games? I'd say I'm a step above that...In all seriousness, it was about time Fitzgerald starting paying dividends. I've had him for a few years and haven't got alot of production. Veto (Corleone) played well and me a late scare. I may have been cocky and taken a quick power nap midway through the 4th of the Eagles game only to wake up Ben was down by 3."
Next week, the Corp faces an old rival in Date Rape Bill Crosby is what is bound to be a potential championship preview. Go Dave.
Although his decision to bench Peyton did not come back to haunt him, it was his other Bronco that let him down. CJ Anderson has been a bust and then some (surprise?) and has severely crippled Ben's team thus far. He stated, "If I had started Isaiah Crowell, then I would've won." After this Brown letdown, he falls to 0-2 but there isn't as much concern or need to panic since it was only last year that Ben found himself in this predicament. As we all know, he bounced back and eventually made the playoffs for the 4th straight season. Although this year's squad is weaker than previous years, he still believes:
Dez Fucked Me...Fuck - 106.9
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| Turn Back the Clock for Fitz. Does he have more left in the tank? |
"While I'm disappointed with my loss, I faced an excellent team and pleased with my team's satisfactory output. Not too flashy. Just enough to give me confidence going forward. My flexibility at QB & WR have me excited about the weeks ahead."
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| CJ Anderson is |
Destroy HIM - 123.7
Last season, this matchup would have gone a completely different way but as I've said previous times already in these write-ups, it's a NEW year. That being the case, Dom is rolling so far in the new season, putting up points left and right. However, he's still not satisfied with his overall lineup's production. He once again wanted everyone to know that, "If I started Cam Newton, I would have put up 140 points again." Very strong faith in his team although he now faces his brother in huge matchup. A win places him at 3-0 for the first time in his career and sends Nick down a dark path. Megatron, AP and Forte all are paying massive dividends early on and now Dom looks like some sort of a genius for unloading so many draft picks to ensure he had quality keepers. Truly a changing of the guard if he wins next week. However, he'll be without his top scorer, DeAngelo Williams now that Le'Veon Bell is back from suspension.
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| "Yea, I'm thinkin' I'm back" - John Wick |
As for the artist formerly known as Mommy Slut, it appears the fire sale has already begun. Dumping off Alfred Morris last night was just phase one in his master plan. Josh wants draft picks and is already giving up on the season. This is a surprise. The team isn't in god awful shape but he feels it's time to move on with the 2015 season. Should we expect Dez to be on the move as well? According to Josh, yes. One report stated that Correra "As of right now the only player I really want to keep is Latavius Murray." The craziest part is that Josh's team is still putting up points, just some bad luck. Still a good chance he winds up squeaking in the playoffs but how much will he look to rebuild?
Next week, he takes on another team that's struggling heavily in Team New Year. Each team is desperately seeking their first win and Josh looks to come into this game as a significant underdog.
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| Dez calling his agent: "GET ME OFF THIS TEAM BRUH!" |
Schenectady Schmeckles - 162.6
Good Toast - 67.7
Good Toast - 67.7
Joe, you got toasted. Brady and Edelman once again teamed up for their weekly onslaught with nearly 80 points against the Bills and Chris didn't look back after that. Chris was very optimistic after the blowout win on Monday, stating,
"For sure (Brady can sustain this production). Vengeance is definitely motivating him. The complexity of the system and ability of the offense to adapt to any defensive scheme is huge. As far as my team I couldn't be prouder. The Schmeckles have come a long way as a franchise only in our 2nd season and now we are knocking on the door."
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| It's not toast, but you get the picture. |
After frantically trying to trade off his players, Joe's team underperformed once again. However, there is light on the horizon and his name is Le'Veon Bell. All year we've heard about how strong he will be after his suspension and Joe has patiently been waiting to plug him back into the lineup. The first two weeks couldn't have gone any worse so anything Bell can contribute to the squad would be greatly appreciated. When asking Joe about Bell's return he said, "New lineup. New name. New attitude. Look the fuck out."
We figured Joe would make some changes but at least they weren't personnel based. If he can sort out his starting QB, he still has one of the most formidable teams in the league with health on his side.
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| Joe's reaction to putting this guy back in the lineup |
Sweet Drippins - 109.4
Too Many Cooks - 101.4
Too Many Cooks - 101.4
Regardless of the outcome for Aaron's team this week, Sweet Drippins took a huge step back with the loss of their only QB. Mr. Tony Romo. Well the previous sentence was altered drastically when Aaron pulled the trigger on a massive trade Monday night while securing a win over Too Many Cooks with a big performance from Antonio Brown and Brandon Marshall. Romo's gone, but he just acquired Big Ben to help him remain a title contender after all. Giving up Marshawn hurts but it was a move that he simply had to make. In regards to the trade, Aaron said,
"I had to go back to my roots. When I finished 3rd a few years back, I thought about how that team finished the way they did. It's the QB and WR tandem effect. Antonio Brown is my biggest weapon. I had to try and get Big Ben to solidify some big time scoring on my roster. Sure I got rid of Marshawn but fuck that guy. Time to turn the page and keep it rollin'."
The trade sent shockwaves throughout the league and in a big surprise, the usually calm Brian ripped into Aaron for making the deal. Can't wait for those two to meet up at some point this season. For now, Sweet Drippins tries to keep the good times going with a win against the upstart Schenectady Schmeckles.
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| Tony, how many months are you out for? |
With another stagnant offensive performance, Nick has gone restless. His running backs combined for 8 points and Andrew Luck wasn't much better. You'd like to think that this is an aberration but the league's all-time wins leader is tracing his finger along the panic button already. Here's what he has to say,
"My running backs are horrid. My running backs are like two, separately painful punches to the dick each week. Very painful. I think Andrew Luck has been horrendous as well. I don't care what defense you're playing against, be better. We caught a break week one and could very well be 0-2. Next week doesn't get easier and I for one will not take anything less than a second win against mi hermano. Little spanish for the Hispanic readers."Nick travels to face Dom next week and he really needs to bounce back to get the monkey off his back for the time being. One thing I will say, which is one of the most interesting stats I've seen while scouring our league history pages, is that Coach Nick Caputo has NEVER been under .500 at any point in any season in his 5 year-career in Slushie Sundays action. He has a legitimate chance of breaking this streak at the hands of "Little Brother".
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| Face of the franchise. An ugly one, but the face nonetheless |
Kissing Suzy Kolber - 87.1
Team New Year - 77.2
Team New Year - 77.2
Vinnie's team had the appearance of a title contender in the offseason but an early loss to Dave caused some concern. In an ugly win where Eddie Lacy left with an injury, KSK pulled it out against Chreeyusz to hopefully right the ship as OBJ appears to be back in 2014 form. When asked if he saw any improvement over last week, Coach Crocitto stated,
"Chris is a hell of an owner, got all the respect in the world for him. Real asset to the league. We got the win but we're a long way from where we want to be. We have a lot we need to improve on for Week 3, but we will take it one day at a time."Barring the severity of Eddie Lacy's injury, KSK will be there in December whether you like it or not. There are still some major concerns with his flex and WR2 spots but this should correct itself over time. With Rodgers leading the way and OBJ playing well, he'll be a tough out for anyone and Ben will certainly be in for a long weekend. The Packers end on Monday Night so it should be going right down to the wire in a battle of 2014 playoff teams.
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| OBJ hit that whip right in Chris' grill. |
Another week, another forgettable performance from Chreeyusz. You can probably just chalk this up to another poor fantasy week around the league. Vinnie and Chris combined for only 160 points and it is clear that Chreeyusz needs something to energize his roster. Of course, if he played Allen Robinson, he wins easily but who would trust him after a dud week 1? Mike Evans was a ghost and Jeremy Hill lost two fumbles to finish with a goose egg. The upside for Team New Year is still there with players like Wilson, Hill and Landry but he must make sure he doesn't fall too far behind with a third straight loss. He takes on Josh next week hoping to pull out a win and avoid a further tailspin. Chreeyusz, when asked about his playoff chances, said this:
"My odds are 1,000 to 1 but I'm a good long shot (to bet on). Start bad, finish good."
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| Still scoreless. |
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