Week One Recap: WE BACK!

It'sssssss timeeeeee! After an exciting Thursday game, the fantasy owners and football fans were #blessed with an intense slate of games on the Opening Sunday. As a fan, can't ask for much more but seeing injuries to someone like Keenan Allen makes you cringe (sorry, Vinnie). Not as much excitement a we would have hoped for in the opening week (unless you're Aaron) for the Slushie Sundays matchups but it was entertaining nonetheless. Can't really overreact this early in the season but just you wait until next week when a few teams are 0-2 and the trade talks heat up faster than a junkie's spoon. Without further (Freddy) adieu, let's look back at the week that was...

GAME OF THE WEEK:

Team Ruthless - 102.9

TY Beanies - 165

One thing is for certain, several teams made impressive statements in their Week One victories. However, one team in particular stood above the rest. In a game that looked like a potential shootout, TY Beanies (Josh) mollywhopped Big Hug, Little Hit (Joe) in impressive fashion to gain his first win against his roommate. Boasting a plethora of high draft picks, Josh was already pegged as a team to lookout for this season but the sheer volume of scorers his lineup contains is major threat to the league. After quasi-tanking last season in order to obtain picks and fully committing to 2016, it appears he will be rewarded for his patience. Locking up an aging Drew Brees already seems like a no-brainer and the pairing of Brandin Cooks is absolutely lethal. Zeke Elliott showed some promise but there is even more room for his team to grow with Josh Gordon's impending return, a scary thought indeed. After wrapping up his win very early, Josh had this to say:

"Team Ruthless should be ashamed of their poor organization. I've single handedly seen the owner/GM Joe Bergami strike and spit at his own players for their bad games which cost him the season opener. That being said, the fantasy week started at 1:00 pm and was over for him at 1:01 pm. On to the next one."

Another year, another rough start for Joe Bergami and Team Ruthless. No need to panic as his team put up over 100 points without his franchise cornerstone, Smokey McPot Le'Veon Bell. However, it is interesting to note how much Joe has struggled in the early-going of each season. In the last 5 seasons including Sunday, Joe has lost his opening matchup four times. Twice, he has began the season 0-2 but has never failed to have a losing season in his Slushie Sundays career. One of the preseason favorites to claim his first title, Joe will most likely shrug this loss off and beat the living shit out of Josh on a random night with a pillowcase full of wrenches to make things even. Next week, he looks get back to .500 against Chreeyusz. When asked for a quote Joe was optimistic, stating:

"Expected this week. Very impressed by the points Josh put up. Honestly thought I'd put up more than just a few over 100. Always looking to hit 120 if possible. But for right now, my team plays the waiting game till Bell comes back. Until then I expect to maybe win one game in the next 2 weeks. Then we goin' off *****."

Two more weeks without Le'Veon?

NOW, FOR YOUR WEEKLY RECAP....

Largest Margin of Victory: 

- TY Beanies over Team Ruthless - 62 Points

Upset of the Week:

- Start The Carr over Kissing Suzy Kolber

Most Points Scored ($5 for Week 1): 

- TY Beanies - 165 Points

Least Points Scored: 

- Schenectady Schmeckles - 75.9 Points

Waking up on Tuesday to an undefeated record...

Why You Pee On My Car? - 122.4

Dirty Birds - 116.1

After one of the most frustrating, injury-stricken seasons in Slushie Sundays history, Owner Aaron Pommer had extremely high hopes for his revamped squad. Faced with a large deficit to overcome at the hands of rival Brian Constantino, his team rallied around franchise centerpiece Antonio Brown for a massive week one victory. Brown, who has been the one constant for Aaron over the years, flexed his fantasy muscles, hauling in two huge touchdowns from Ben Roethlisberger. Not to mention the savvy move by the GM to pick up Dwayne Allen Sunday morning and prove to be the difference in the matchup. Could be a minor move with a major impact come playoff time. After the victory, Aaron was uncharacteristically outspoken and wanted to put the league (Brian especially) on notice. Will the positive vibes carry over to Dave for next week? As for Aaron, he takes on Brule's Rules in an attempt to start the season 2-0. Last time he did that? Was in fact last year, and from that point on his team literally disintegrated into the IR-spot. He realizes that nothing is guaranteed after early success and hopes to have better luck in his playoff quest.

This was not just a win for me...this was a victory for the whole league. I set the bar for everyone else. Losing to Brian is unacceptable. I'm looking at you now Dave. Let's keep this streak going. #MakeSlushieSundaysGreatAgain

Best In The Business

As for last year's runner-up, it was a devastating Monday night loss for Brian and the Dirty Birds. His team certainly showed promise and will certainly be there come playoff time but injuries to his two tight ends may be cause for concern. Fears that Gronk's injury may linger and Zach Ertz displacing a rib (sounds fucking awful) could cause a dip in production. Thankfully, bargain picks like Tajae Sharpe, Latavius Murray and Marvin Jones exceeded expectations to pick up the slack. When asked about the opening loss, Brian's optimism certainly didn't waver. However, the same may not be said for the Falcons as they may fall victim to the Black Hole on Sunday against "Big Balls" Jack Del Rio-led Raiders. In addition, next week boasts the Super Bowl rematch from last year, and you can bet Brian is gunning for total revenge.

"Not disappointed with my team at all. Looks like I'll be a consistent 100 point scorer and a playoff contender. Congrats to Aaron with the big W in week one. As for  week two I can't wait for the rematch with the ebbiddddy dibbiddy's." 

Team New Year - 83.5

Schenectady Schmeckles - 75.9

The ugliest game of the weekend went to the two Chris'. An offensive struggle for certain, both teams got off to a slow start and Matt Jones' efforts Monday Night and an untimely Kirk Cousins interception were enough for Chreeyusz to hold off Chris Casey. Team New Year is still in search of a ground game to compliment their aerial attack with Jonathan Stewart and Matt Jones failing to impress. A Russell Wilson ankle injury looms over next week but TNY may be able to get by as they avoid Le'Veon Bell against Team RUTHLESS. Another silver lining for Chreeyusz is that he didn't waste a huge scoring week and still picked up a win. One final note, TNY's leading scorer was Dan Bailey. Hopefully that should change going forward. Chreeyusz didn't pull any punches regarding his decision making and his opponent:

"I'm happy to start the year off with a win but I didn't start the right players again but I won against a bad team and a win is a win and it's a big matchup next week and a must win."

Currently the highest scorer of any starter for Team New Year

Fresh off his first career playoff-berth last season, the Schmeckles laid a gigantic egg for Chris Casey in the opener. Of course, without Brady able to play it will be a rigorous stretch to remain above water and the team let an extremely winnable game slip threw their fingertips. Kirk Cousins threw an interception in the endzone during garbage time which may have won the game for the Fighting Schmeckles. No Kirk, he DON'T like that. With a few players poised for boom or bust in the upcoming weeks, Chris will need to create his lineup with precision each week to get back to .500 before Brady descends from heaven to bail out his roster. With a favorable matchup against Ben, here's to hoping the team can inch closer to the century mark, especially after Start The Carr dropped a 146-burger on Vinnie last weekend. Here's what Chris had to say after the Monday Night Letdown (not to be confused with the Rams/Niners game):

"Very disappointed with the effort of the Schmeckles this week. A lot of underachieving but we feel like next week is a fresh start. Our running backs should improve, and it was encouraging that Kirk Cousins had over 300 yards just unfortunately no TDs. We will keep plugging and the Schmeckles will eventually persevere"

When you still have to wait 3 weeks until Brady returns..

EBDB BnB - 93

Hogan Knows Best - 114.8

After his dream run to the title last season, the journey towards a repeat experienced a minor setback out of the gate. Dave I hope to god you didn't torture yourself by watching Gurley last night like the unfortunate ones who endured it. Regardless, a surprising let down for a team that was consistently one of the highest scoring teams last year. Todd Gurley and Devonta Freeman barely scratched 10 points combined while potential keepers that were sent back to the draft (Brees and Alshon) had great Week One performances. With that being said, EBDB BnB boasts one of the most potent rosters in the league and will certainly look to bounce back next week in the highly anticipated Super Bowl rematch against Brian. If Blake Bortles is going to fill the shoes left by Drew Brees, a massive performance against the lowly Chargers would be a great start. In his always entertaining quote for the week, Dave was brief. Very brief actually, stating:

"Yikes. Panic time."

Rough start for the defending champs

Similar to Aaron, the Super Mariota Brothers had an extremely frustrating 2015 season. Injuries and unfortunate trades torpedoed any chances of making the playoffs and left Will searching for answers. With a strong draft, he's poised to restart another playoff streak that was snapped a few years back. In addition, Will has yet to have the distinction of actually winning a playoff matchup. Could this be the year? Absolutely love the team name as homage to pesky Pats wideout Chris Hogan and beloved porn-star, WWF champion, The Hulkster. Hogan didn't play but he certainly knew he'd "best" his opponent with the support of his teammates, AJ Green, who raided and conquered Revis Island, and CJ Anderson, a Ben Fontana cast-off. Will was not short on praise for his team but realize this is just a minor step towards a larger goal.

"CJ and AJ really stepped up to the plate this week.  Time to hit the waiver wire and develop a plan to take down Josh's behemoth of a team."

Will's team attempting to do-away with the stank of last season

Start the Carr - 146.8

Kissing Suzy Kolber - 111.3

The background noise surrounding Team Cookie was silenced this weekend, delivering a minor upset to Vinnie. Ben, notoriously a slow starter to the season, is off to a great start, currently looking like a genius taking DeAngelo Williams so high. Although he has only two more guaranteed weeks as a starter, his efforts could push Ben to a potential 3-0 start, which would make his odyssey back to playoffs much easier. Secretly rooting for Cook's team this year due to his QB, the one and only Derek Carr. I know that I correctly predicted Dave as Super Bowl champ after one week (Nickstradamus) but I will go out on a limb to say Ben will certainly turn some heads after I was self-admittedly skeptical about his draft. Who knows, maybe LeVeon Bell tokes his way out of the NFL (or can't find Heinz Field) and DeAngelo Williams goes on to run for 1,500 yards. Stranger Things (Netflix recommendation of the week) have happened before. As usual, Ben, a fantastic soundbite each week was not blunt in his remarks after the game. Facing the low-scoring Schmeckles next week could prove to a 2-0 start.

"I did not expect to win, but Will was clairvoyant in predicting a big week for my RBs. Can't thank Spencer Ware enough. Special s/o to my roommate aka Tim Kurkjian's son for suggesting I draft the Vikings D. Huge win for momentums sake. I know I'm not a top dawg in this league, but to quote Dirk Koetter from Sunday - "I'm not going to apologize for winning, because wins in this league are hard to come by." 

It's becoming an all too familiar sight for Vinnie. Watching Keenan Allen get carted off the field was all the nightmare fuel necessary to spoil the opening weekend and we haven't even mentioned the score. Benny dropped the hammer down on Vin this weekend and the 2016 season is already in a dark place. Certainly boasting a playoff roster already is a nice fall-back but as we've seen in the past, Vinnie has struggled to lock down Wide Receiver depth, leading him to constant frustration outside of OBJ. Next week, he takes on Dom, a team he knocked out last season to advance to the Semi-Finals and you can be certain that he is not going down without a fight next weekend. Vinnie only offered a brief statement in his media availability, quickly stating:

"Fielding offers for Keenan Allen. We're on to Dom."

Don't cry because it's over, smile because it happened.

Brule's Rules - 139.3

U Guys Got Halo 2? - 95.8

Well. well, well. Look who is back and better than ever. Andrew Freakin' Luck. That's who. The man who was cast off after a poor/injury-riddled season silenced the doubters Week 1 with a massive game to propel Brule's Rules to victory. Nick, always one for a fast start, used his quartet of Colts to smoke Dom's team for yet another opening week victory. In addition, solid contributions from Doug Martin, Jordy Nelson and Doug Baldwin were appreciated but the depth of Nick's team is what has caught his attention the most. When asked about his draft and overall roster, he was quick to pat himself on the back:

"Although I foolishly let a pick go to waste in a moronic trade last season, I thought my draft was much better than I anticipated, especially after last year. The fantasy season is a war of attrition and the options my depth provides will pay dividends come Late Fall. I have full, undivided faith in my QB, Drew (Luck) and we're looking to win some more ball games this year. But most importantly, have some fun."

After a surprising yet dominant regular season last year leading to a division title, Dom got off to a very slow start in 2016. Adrian Peterson was held in check by Tennessee and even strong performances by Cam Newton and Amari Cooper weren't enough to match up with Brule's Rules. An 0-2 start certainly isn't an insurmountable position to be in with an 8-team playoff but after a great 2015 was spoiled by an early playoff exit, Dom hopes to put the past behind him and see improvement in his young core. In Week Two he has the opportunity to bounce back to .500 and avenge last year's early playoff loss against Vinnie. No comment from Dom this week.