Week 4 Recap: "Caputo Brothers At It Again"

Largest Margin of Victory: Shooter McGavin over Kissing Suzy Kolber - 52.2
Most Points Scored: Slob On My Cobb - 154.1  
Least Points Scored: Taco Corp - 75.4 
Unsung Heroes of the Week: Eli Manning - 40.1 Points
Biggest Fantasy Duds: LeSean McCoy, Calvin Johnson
Best Waiver Pickup: Eli Manning (Slob On My Cobb) - 40 Points


Shooter McGavin      -   132.2 

Kissing Suzy Kolber    -  80.0
Andrew Luck. Enough said. I could stop there but then I'd be forgetting about Jordy Nelson, who spearheaded a massive outburst of points for Shooter yet again. This is the fourth straight week Nick has topped 100 points to open the season and 9 straight weeks dating back to Week 12 of 2013. He's won 7 in a row spanning two seasons and remains undefeated for another week but he faces his bitter rival, brother and clone, Chreeyusz this week and interesting enough, he has NEVER defeated Chreeyusz in 3 matchups all-time. He'll need some more "Luck" to rewrite history. For KSK, they dropped their second straight week in blowout fashion once again. The addition of Jimmy Graham stunted the performance of Megatron and DeSean Jackson as they combined for single digits. Once this team clicks as a unit they will remain very powerful but Vinnie will hope to avoid a loss to the winless Schmeckles next week.

J-Man: Jordy has Shooter's team playing extremely well.

The Heismanberg's  -  99.6
Taco Corp      -             75.4
Everyone knew it was only a matter of time until the Cookie Man claimed his first victory of the 2014 season. Wrapping it up early on Sunday, The Heismanberg's were propelled by free-agent stud Matt Asiata and Keenan Allen, overcoming a rough showing from Captain Kirk Cousins. Now that Peyton and Demaryius' byes have ended, watch out for the Cookie Man to sneak up on the rest of the league as he will be fighting for a playoff spot. As for Dave, his team took a step back but the blame could be appointed to the Seahawks bye. I fully expect Dave to bounce back next week in a crucial matchup against longtime-rival, Dom Caputo and Team SSPD. Dave should take comfort in knowing he has a stud tight end in Martellus Bennett and with a re-emergence from Doug Martin, his team could be a problem in the next few weeks.

Hauling "Ass"iata: Has Cookie found a diamond in the rough yet again?

The DrewBree Brothers   -  118.3
Slob On My Cobb             -  154.1 
Josh may have supplanted Nick as the top dog after this weeks performed, as his team flexed its muscles to a blowout win over Aaron. This was the most points scored by a team all season and Slob On My Cobb is really starting to hit it's stride. 6 out of 7 players scored a touchdown for Josh, including Larry Donnell who had three from Eli Manning, whom he both snagged off of waivers in recent weeks. As Julius Thomas and Andy Dalton come back from bye, Josh will look to defeat his main rival, Joe, in attempt to separate himself in the AFC. As for the Brothers, it was a tough luck loss as they scored nearly 120 points and had no chance from the beginning after the Giants' game. Aaron and Drew should be pleased they got another huge performance from Touchdown Antonio Brown while Eddie Lacy finally found the endzone and positive yards. Next week should be a little more generous as they take on The Heismanberg's in their final divisional matchup.

There goes that MAN. DeMarco Murray is on pace to break some serious records.

Team SSPD    -   100.4
Coach O'Shea -    86.6
Dom does it again. The magical season continues past Week Four as he knocks off another tough team in Coach O'Shea. A questionable trade for Nick Foles made Team SSPD lose Jimmy Graham but his other additions, Delanie Walker and Fred Jackson came through clutch along with Reggie Wayne and Ahmad Bradshaw. If Dom's team continues to produce, he could finally wind up in the playoffs and possibly a division title. He looks to keep it rolling against Taco Corp next week. As for Coach O'Shea, it was another disappointing week for LeSean McCoy and Arian Foster which has now placed Joe back at 2-2 for the season. Still toting a lot of firepower, he faces Josh next week in a huge battle for division supremacy.

Reggie's Still Got It. Can he lead Dom to the Playoffs?

The Nard Dawgs  -  104.3 
Team Next Year  -   117.2 
Two teams playing for a chance to move back to .500 and Chreeyusz came up aces with a depleted roster. Starting an unknown Branden Oliver and an unproven Dolphins defense. Both turn in unexpected performances to give Team Next Year another win. Frank "The Tank" Gore turned back the clock one more time and scored a huge 55-yard touchdown to seal the victory. Chreeyusz looks to win his third in a row against his brother, whom he's never lost to in his career. Will's team played well without their best player, Gio Bernard and fall to 1-3 with plenty of time left in the season. Alfred Morris continues to be a bright spot but the duo of Brandon Marshall and Brandin Cooks was extremely underwhelming in a relatively close loss.

Feed Frank = Chreeyusz Wins

Vinegar Strokes  -      127.8
Sch'dy Schmeckles  -   99.1
The Schmeckles ran into another buzzsaw this week in the Vinegar Strokes as Brian got Jamaal Charles back healthy and his team is really starting to click. Getting contributions from everyone of his roster, the Strokes are in midseason form with alot of time left in the season. Kelvin Benjamin and Lamar Miller selections have guided Brian to the third highest scoring team in the Slushie Sundays league. Next week, he takes on Will in an attempt to keep pace in the division. Chris' team has had brutal luck so far and it could get worse as he takes on his Lake George counterpart, Kissing Suzy Kolber, searching for his first win. Philip Rivers is a huge asset but he needs the rest of team to follow suit.

Kelvin Benjamin looks like a lesbian amongst boys out there.

Week 4 Preview: Shooter's Time

After a weekend of huge upsets, Week 4 promises to be just as intense only one team remains unbeaten (Me, of course). Shooter McGavin has a career record of 8-1 in the first three weeks of the season but will his good fortune continue against Kissing Suzy Kolber in our matchup of the week? Fresh off of receiving Jimmy Graham in a trade with Team SSPD, will Vinnie now have enough fire power to dethrone Nick and take the top spot in the power rankings? This is the first week that byes are taken into effect so choose your teams carefully this week. Bound to be a shootout, the Bears-Packers game should play a huge factor in the outcome.

Will Jimmy Graham be enough to give Kissing Suzy Kolber the top spot?

The Heismanberg's (0-3) vs. Taco Corp (1-2)

Things went from bad to worse for Cookies last weekend as he lost another nailbiter to Dom to remain winless. Now, with his three best players on a bye, how will The Heismanberg's fare against an upstart Taco Corp? Well he dodges a huge bullet since Dave is also missing his three best players. It will be a battle of who has the best bench and intuition when it comes to the waiver wire as Peyton, Harvin, Demaryius, Russell Wilson, Marshawn and Montee Ball all will be left on the bench this week. Another win by Dave will completely turn his season around after nearly leaving the league in week two. As for Ben, he's clawing for his life right now and knows that no team has ever came back from an 0-4 start to make the postseason.

Bye Weeks: Where EJ Manuel vs. Kirk Cousins happens.

The DrewBree Brothers (2-1) vs. Slob On My Cobb (2-1)
Four teams are tied atop the AFC for first place and here's two of them. Each taking unusual paths to get there this season as Slob On My Cobb (new name alert!) had two blowout wins only to get blowout by Taco Corp last weekend. As for the Pommer-Fahrenz conglomerate, they were a Victor Cruz drop away from being 3-0 after beating team Medulla Oblongata in a low-scoring affair last weekend. Eddie Lacy has been MIA so far for the brothers and they desperately need a 1st-round performance from him to win this matchup. Josh will be without Julius Thomas this weekend Larry Donnell and new addition Randall Cobb to pick up the slack. Losing Stafford is tough but thank god for Eli Manning as he'll attempt to give his new team a boost on Thursday night in addition to Rashad Jennings and Donnell

Game Face.

Medulla Oblongata (2-1) vs. Team SSPD (2-1)

If you would've told me in the beginning of the season that both of these teams would be tied for the division at some point I would've said you're crazy. But Dom has fought and clawed his way to atop the division in hopes of his first playoff berth in franchise history. Squeaking out a narrow win, Dom has added new players to Team SSPD this week and now has Nick Foles, Fred Jackson and Delanie Walker at his disposable. The loss of Jimmy Graham hurts but this rounds out Dom's lineup into a formidable roster. As for Joe, a brutal beatdown last week as his team couldn't really do anything right. At least they got it out of their system. Adding Matt Stafford was a head scratcher even with Cam Newton but Joe's team is still arguably the most explosive in the league. With AJ Green on a bye and Arian Foster banged up, can Team SSPD steal another victory and get to 3-1?

"Now give me your wallet!"

Schenectady Schmeckles (0-3) vs. Vinegar Strokes (2-1)

Desperately seeking his first win, the Schmeckles ran into the wrong opponent at the wrong time this week in the Vinegar Strokes. Brian rolled over Vinnie last week to get back to 2-1 on the season and his squad is looking very strong on the backs of his Falcons trio. As Jamaal Charles returns, the Monday night game becomes ever so crucial to decide this matchup as 5 combined players will be participating in that matchup. As mentioned before, no team has come back from 0-4 to make the playoffs, which makes this a must win game for the Fighting Hebrews.

Team Next Year (1-2) vs. The Nard Dawgs (1-2)

The final game on the slate includes a pair of teams looking to go from playoff pretenders to playoff hopefuls with a win this week. Each team has not played up to potential and patience of both manager's must be wearing thin. The projections have this matchup being decided by a point you never know what to expect when these two squads matchup. The Dawgs will be without their best player, Gio Bernard in addition to Jordan Cameron while Chreeyusz still has Adrian Peterson leaving a giant crater in his lineup while he sorts out his personal life. Brandon Marshall and Alshon Jeffrey will be squaring off against eachother and the deciding factor in this game could solely hinge on who Jay Cutler feels like throwing too. Interesting to see if Chreeyusz sticks with his boy Tommy Brady or plays Cutler to get points from potential Marshall catches.

DONN'TTTTTT CAREEEEEEEEE

To conclude the preview I leave you with the origin of the Jay Cutler "Don'ttttt Careeeee" internet phenomenon. If you haven't heard of it, then watch this video to know what i'm referring to. Hilarious.

Link: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0-8Q54lFYDk

Week 3 Recap: "Upset City, Population: You, Bro"

TOP DOG: Expect anything different? Nick's still undefeated.

Largest Margin of Victory: Vinegar Strokes over Kissing Suzy Kolber - 37.5
Most Points Scored: Vinegar Strokes - 136.1  
Least Points Scored: Two Cups, One Josh - 61.6 
Unsung Heroes of the Week: Andrew Luck - 40.3 Points
Biggest Fantasy Duds: Sammy Watkins, LeSean McCoy, Montee Ball, Panthers D
Best Waiver Pickup: Colts D/ST (Team Next Year) - 18 Points
Best Depth or Poor Lineup? (Most Bench Points): Schenectady Schmeckles - 82.9 Points

Everyone was predicting upsets this week and we got some. From reverse jinxes to crazy plays, the four remaining undefeated teams were all put to the test this weekend and the results were not in their favor. Our best matchup looked like it would be between Vinegar Strokes and Kissing Suzy Kolber but Brian "Bojangles" Constantino hopped out to a massive lead after the Falcons curb-stomped the Bucs on Thursday night.  Brian didn't look back from that point and unseated Vinnie for his first loss of the season.

On the other side of the coin, four 0-2 teams entered this week and at least one of them would already come out victorious due to the Chris-Chreeyusz matchup. However, Taco Corp and The Heismanberg's put up great fights as well this weekend in much needed games. Dave notched his first win of the season in  what turned out to be a blowout against Josh.  Cooks lost to Dom in a nailbiter as The Heismanberg's have now fallen to 0-3 this season.

Shooter McGavin - 103.9 
The Nard Dawgs    -  86.3
Andrew Luck has drawn skepticism from the league as being an elite QB...well who's laughing now? Although it was the Jags, Luck posted another HUGE performance to propel Shooter McGavin to his second career 3-0 start. Luck scored 40 points for Nick and additions from Travis Kelce and Cowboys D sealed his 6th straight victory dating back to last year. Shooter's undefeated record hangs in the balance next week as he meets Kissing Suzy Kolber in what should be the matchup of the week.  As for Will, Brandon Marshall's injury and drops couldn't bring him anywhere close as he now falls to 1-2. He takes on Team Next Year in a battle for 4th place in the NFC Conference. The Nard Dawgs will be without his main "dawg" Gio Bernard this weekend as he hopes to avoid 1-3. 

Go Luck Yourself, Jacksonville.

The Heismanberg's  -  69.1
TEAM SSPD            -  74.2
If you're into defensive battles in fantasy, then pay attention to Dom's matchups. Team SSPD has found a way to claw himself to 2-1 this season although scoring less than 80 points in each win. Guess that's just the luck of the draw and SSPD's reaping the benefits so far. Injuries have put his team out of whack but once he gets healthy Dom should be able to compete for his coveted first playoff spot and don't look now but he's in a four-way tie for  the division lead. He'll take on Two Cups, One Josh this weekend for a battle for first place. As for the Cookie Man, it's gone bad to worse. Losing Woodhead hurts but a (-5 point) terrible performance from Panthers D was one of the many lowlights. The Heismanberg's can put up plenty of points but he'll need to turn into wins fast to dig out of this 0-3 hole. Next week, he squares off against the upstart Taco Corp where each team loses a significant amount of players due to byes.

The Heismanberg's season in one picture.

Taco Corp   -  125.2
Beat Joe      -    99.6 
Dave finally got into the win column his week as he thumped Josh for his first victory on the backs of a reverse jinx, Russell Wilson and Marshawn Lynch. On the verge of quitting, Taco Corp pulled off the huge upset to get himself back on track. Great to see Dave's squad playing at their full potential. Hoping to build off last week, he faces the struggling Heismanberg's although his Seahawks duo are on a bye. As for Josh, Beat Joe suffered a huge setback as Matt Stafford had a patented dud performance and was unable to recover from that. Still one of the best squads in the league, Josh will look to bounce back against The DrewBree Brothers, another pair of 2-1 teams tied for the AFC Conference lead.

Beast Mode Unleashed: Can Marshawn carry Dave to the Postseason?

The DrewBree Brothers    -    99
Two Cups, One Josh     -      61.6
I always knew that Drew had it in him. Maybe not as an owner but a co-owner for sure. Since he agreed to sign on with Aaron (still needs to pay), the Brothers have won 2 in a row and are now tied for the division lead. It wasn't pretty, with another poor performance from Eddie Lacy, but Antonio Brown carried the team once again and the Aaron-Drew conglomerate look to knock off Beat Joe this week to give Aaron his best start in franchise history. Two Cups, One Josh had an even uglier week as Joe's team crapped out on his one at a time. SAMMY WATKINS?! Shady McCoy did nothing and he was handed his first loss as he predicted a few days ago. Still a strong team and a tough matchup for anyone, TCOJ looks to hold onto the tie for the division with a win over Team SSPD.

Antonio Brown  ending opponents for The DrewBree Brothers

Sch'dy Schmeckles -  94.4  
Team Next Year  -   121.6 
The battle of 0-2 teams had to end with a team finishing 0-3 of course, but these two teams are still very capable of making a playoff push by season's end. Team Next Year finally notched their first win for Chreeyusz behind new starting QB Jay Cutler, Alshon Jeffrey and Pierre Garcon. If Chreeyusz can get another running back, this could be a team to look out for down the stretch. The Schmeckles continued their bad luck with a blowout loss to keep them winless. Poor running back play, with a dud from Antonio Gates and he is still searching for his first Slushie Sundays win. The quest for win #1 continues against the Vinegar Strokes.

Vinegar Strokes        -     98.6
Kissing Suzy Kolber -   136.1
Two of the stronger teams in the league squared off in what should have been the matchup of the week. On Thursday, the Falcons destroyed the Bucs which essentially meant that Vinegar Strokes would reap the benefits, posting 70 points combined and didn't look back from there. Knile Davis has filled in very well on Brian's lineup until Jamaal's return. Could make Brian the team to beat if he comes back strong. Kissing Suzy Kolber suffered its first loss due to weak performances from Rodgers and Forte but can bounce back next week by knocking Shooter McGavin off the top spot next weekend.

"Talk about a hole in one."

Week 3 Preview: Thursday Night Thrashing

Two exciting weeks in the books and the league is starting to kick into high gear. High scoring offenses, injuries, trash talk, etc.  Last night the Falcons beat the Bucs in one of the most lopsided victories i've ever seen live. I was going to make Vinegar Strokes (1-1) vs. Kissing Suzy Kolber (2-0) the matchup of the week but after last night's trashing, Vinnie finds himself in a 71-point hole with only three players suiting up last night. Brian reaped the benefits twice as he sat an injured Roddy White for Harry Douglas, who also caught a touchdown in the first quarter.  Julio Jones seems like an early lock for the player of the week with a 37-point outburst last night. Kissing Suzy Kolber was already slated for an off week and now has an even steeper mountain to climb to get to 3-0. Many league pundits have predicted that a few undefeated squads suffer their first loss this week and it may have claimed their first victim. Hopefully, Megatron, Forte and Rodgers can make this one interesting but for now, it looks like Brian shall cruise to his second win on the backs of his beloved Falcons.

Roddy didn't even dress last night and I still think I saw him haul in a few TD's

Week 2 Power Rankings: Top and Bottom

A few changes to the rankings compared to last week but it remains mostly the same since it's only been two weeks.  There are a few teams that appear to pulling away from the pack in terms of points scored. Can they keep it up throughout the season?

I already mentioned this in the weekly recap but for those team that started 0-2, there is plenty of time left in the season and it is more than likely that at least one of you will still be in the playoffs. In addition, the last few years have seen higher-seeded teams consistently pulling upsets in the postseason. 5 to 6 wins could be the difference to squeak into the playoffs. In seperate years, Joe, Josh and Eddie have all went from a 0-2 start to 7-6 to end the season in the playoffs. In Eddie's case, he made it all the way to the championship game. Ya just gotta believe, and just remember Rick Moranis' famous "ONE TIME" speech in The Little Giants. If you forgot, shame on you...but here's the link anyways.

and for everyone that's undefeated, this speech below is more up your alley...

Week 2 Recap: Four Remain Unbeaten

The Quickster: Darren Sproles provides a spark to Shooter McGavin's lineup

Largest Margin of Victory: Kissing Suzy Kolber over Team Next Year - 63.1 

Most Points Scored: Beat Joe - 126.3  

Least Points Scored: Team Next Year - 57.3 

Unsung Heroes of the Week: Aaron Rodgers and Jordy Nelson - 34.6 & 31.7 points

Biggest Fantasy Duds: Marques Colston, Chris Johnson, Jamaal Charles

Best Waiver Pickup: Matt Asiata (The Heismanbergs) - 16.9 Points

Best Depth or Poor Lineup? (Most Bench Points): Two Cups, One Josh - 75.6 points

...and then there were four. Two of the unbeatens went down this week although we knew that 2 would have to lose anyways. For those that weren't squaring off against a 1-0, they prevailed and after two weeks, Two Cups One Josh, Shooter McGavin, Kissing Suzy Kolber and Beat Joe start the year at 2-0. 

As for the 0-2 squads, there is a great deal of hope. In the last two seasons, a total of 6 teams have started the year at least 0-2.  Of these 6 occurrences, 50% of the teams have actually gone on to make the playoffs. Last season, Eddie began the year 0-3 and still managed to squeak into the playoffs. So don't give up hope just yet (Chreeysz and Dave) because a lot can change in the next 11 weeks.

Shooter McGavin - 119.6 
Vinegar Strokes    -  86.3
The "Game of the Week" was marred by a huge injury to team Vinegar Strokes as Jamaal Charles exited the game early. Adding to the blow, Nick pulled away from Brian in the Super Bowl rematch as newly acquired weapons Darren Sproles and Jordy Nelson put the icing on the cake, breaking off huge plays one after another on the Colts and Jets defenses respectively. We hope to see this matchup once again this season as both teams still look poised for the playoffs.  Shooter hopes to neuter the Nard Dawgs on his way to a 3-0 start while Vinegar Strokes looks to knock off Kissing Suzy Kolber which could be the matchup of the week.

 "I EAT PIECES OF SHIT LIKE YOU FOR BREAKFAST"

The Heismanberg's  -  112.5
Two Cups, One Josh - 117.5
Shady McCoy may not have tipped in his most recent meal in a fine restaurant but he scored enough to "tip" The Heismanbergs to 0-2 for the season. Two Cups, One Josh shook off an early AJ Green injury to prevail yet again in Week 2. Joe's squad looks poised to bring him his first championship and this should be one of his few close calls. New acquisition Arian Foster (Josh still doesn't agree) looks to back in 2011 form as he posted the most points for Joe's balanced attack. Nearly posting the most points without his best receiver, Joe looks to push his record to 3-0 against The DrewBrees Brothers. As for Cookies, he once again puts up 100 points in a loss and starts the season 0-2. Chris Johnson severely crippled his chances with a pedestrian 2.6 points after Peyton and Demaryius got him out to an early lead. His team has played well but has simply ran into the wrong teams at the wrong time in the first two weeks. He faces an injury-ridden Team SSPD this weekend in hopes of his first win.

Throwing Shade: Here's a tip, don't mess with McCoy and the rest of TCOJ

Taco Corp                    81.4
DrewBree Brothers     94.6 
Both teams were poised to avoid the 0-2 start and Dave happened to catch the injury-bug at the wrong time. Doug Martin was unable to play but Taco Corp was able to hang around due to his strong play from Beast Mode and Russell Trillson. However, Marques Colston, Dud of the Week posted a crippling goose egg that proved to be the main difference in The DrewBree Brothers first win this season. Led by a balanced scoring attack and 25 combined points from his kicker and defense to reclaim the victory Victor Cruz blew for him last week. Aaron's bench could have won him the game as they posted 68 points themselves. Dave has been rumored to be quitting the league if things don't turn around and has a tough task this week against Josh as he searches for his first win. Best of luck, Amigo. As for Aaron, he gets his coveted first win with Drew as a co-manager and looks to get a winning streak going against Two Cups, One Josh.

Marques Colston has Taco Corp in utter despair.

Beat Joe     -    126.3
Team SSPD  -   90.5 
Losing RG3 hurts, but playing against Josh hurt Team SSPD even more this weekend. After his starting QB went down, in addition to Ryan Mathews his team responded by playing well in his absence by still scoring 90.5 points. Dom must toggle his roster to remain relevant but his options on the bench still make him a difficult matchup. As for Mommy Slut, Beat Joe cruised to their second straight win on the backs of his two Cowboys, DeMarco Murray and Dez Bryant. Too many weapons as Josh posted the week high for points and has no signs of slowing down as he has two dynamite keepers, especially DeMarco Murray. Josh takes on Taco Corp next week who is destined for a breakout week, so don't take him lightly Mommy.

DeMarco and Dez are still Josh's second-favorite pair of Cowboys.

Sch'dy Schmeckles - 83.7  
The Nard Dawgs  - 106.5 
The Schmeckles couldn't work their hebrew magic this weekend as they fell to The Nard Dawgs, who picked up their first win of the season. Gio Bernard carried Will to victory while Alfred Morris created some sort of "Mega Running Back" to score 47 combined points. A much needed win for Whitt to get his season going as he now squares off against Shooter McGavin. As for Chris, he faces Chreeyusz next weekend to finally pick up his first win in Slushie Sundays league history. Interesting to see who Chris plays as QB this week as he has to choose between Philip Rivers, Tony Romo and Jake Locker. He'll need a stronger showing from keeper, Reggie Bush, who's looked very lackluster so far in the young season.

Team Next Year      -     57.3
Kissing Suzy Kolber - 120.4
Two teams at the opposite end of the spectrum after two weeks, Vinnie picks up another blowout victory as Kissing Suzy Kolber moves to 2-0 behind the strength of Aaron Rodgers, Delanie Walker and Special Teams.  The fact that Megatron and Forte only accounted for 17 of his stellar 120.4 points this week must be terrifying for his future opponents. Suzy takes on the Vinegar Strokes next week as he tries to win his third straight game in blowout fashion.  As for Chreeyusz, kid can't catch a break so far. He loses his main keeper in AP, only to have him reinstated on Monday, and ultimately to be charged with another case of child abuse hours later. He now goes by Team Next Year, promising a dominant team in 2015 but there's a lot of time left this season to turn it around. Here's to hoping he picks up his first win next week against the Schmeckles.

(Soundtrack to Team Next Year below...)

Week 2 Preview: Super Bowl Rematch

Just what we need to get the juices flowing. A Superbowl Rematch. This is an early test for two teams that have alot to prove even though they stood face to face in the attempt of winning a championship.  You may not remember but Nick did in fact win the championship and now everyone is gunning for the big man.  Almost losing Week One to the rookie Chris Casey, the defending champ (1-0) showed his poise and expert decision-making to stick with Ryan Mathews to secure the win. You can't teach that, it's instincts baby. Brian had an impressive win as Beats By Ray (1-0) overcame a strong opponent in Team Chreeyusz (0-1). Due to the heightened drama between these two, I grant this Superbowl Rematch to be declared the "Matchup of the Week".

How will Nick fare against Brian without the Red Rifle?

Week 1 Power Rankings: Juice on the Loose

Read it and weep gentlemen. I'll be posting new rankings every Tuesday or so.  Don't read too much into this list because the scoring system is very bland and could be much better. Picture it as bulletin board material in your team's metaphorical "locker room".  Let it motivate you to the playoffs and a possible title (lets not get carried away).  

I wanted to post this on here because the ESPN version only let's me write two sentences at most for justification, so I figured I'd explain myself more on blogger. 

Here's a few things that stood out to me in regards to the opening week.

1.  Rookies Excel in Debuts

The seamless transition for our two newest members should be put the rest of the league on notice. Vinnie's impressive win/team jolted him up to number 3 in the rankings while Chris could've found his way higher up the list if it wasn't for a poor game from "Philthy" Philip Rivers.  As of last night, Chris has now acquired CJ Spiller and Rashad Jennings (to Josh's dismay) to add more running back depth.  

2. How Good Can Joe's Team Be?

Sitting pretty atop the Power Rankings, is it finally Joe's year?

If you weren't paying attention this week or the weeks since the draft, Joe's team is really good. With the addition of Arian Foster he now boasts the most well-rounded lineup in the league and looks to finally capture his first playoff win and championship in the same year.  If the Bovada in Vegas put out championship odds for the Slushie Sundays league (which they really should, I'll talk to someone when I'm out there), Joe would be 3:1 at the most. Personally, I would hammer the Dave Troiano over/under 1 win season total that Brian insists will happen this year.


3. This Entire League is GOOD

No, I'm not referring to Kanye's record label. This entire league is stacked from top to bottom. There used to be a few opponents that were billed as easy wins each season but it not the case anymore. Aaron came into week one with the highest grade and lost to Dom as he scratched and clawed to his first career opening day victory. Could there a changing of the guard? Will a new champion emerge from the pack? We'll just have to see. This league is just getting started.

Week 1 Recap: Early Statements Made

Cold Blooded: Matty Ice torched the Saints to lead Beats By Ray to a Week One W.

Largest Margin of Victory: Kissing Suzy Kolber over The Nard Dawgs - 54.7 

Most Points Scored: Two Cups, One Josh - 135.9 Points 

Least Points Scored: The DrewBree Brothers - 72.7 

Unsung Hero of the Week: Matt Ryan - 37.4 Points

Biggest Fantasy Duds: Victor Cruz, Jordan Reed, Jamaal Charles

Best Waiver Pickup: Delanie Walker (Kissing Suzy Kolber) - 11.2 Points

What a start to the 2014 Slushie Sundays season. We had a wide variety of parity in the 6 week one matchups, starting with the major upset that came at the expense of Aaron Pommer's squad, The DrewBree Brothers. Team SSPD (Dom) played with heavy hearts as their fallen brother, Ray Rice was officially cut from the Ravens, hours before the Monday night games. Holding a six-point lead with no players remaining, the DrewBree Brothers looked to come from behind for their first win on the back of Victor Cruz. Late in the game, Cruz, who was quiet all night, dropped a potential clinching grab on the right sideline. Presumably, the salsa residue must've been the cause. Thus, the last chance for Aaron to avoid the upset and with the win, Team SSPD avenges last year's opening week loss to Aaron to give Dom the best start to the season of his career (1-0). 

Team SSPD takes on Beat Joe (Josh) to extend their winning streak to a robust 2 games, which would also be a franchise record. For Aaron, he made a interesting move during the Giants-Lions game, announcing that he had recently joined forces with the professor himself, Drew Fahrenz, 2-time Toilet Bowl Champion. One can only assume that Gigglepepper's track record had effected The DooBrees Brothers chances this week. 

The upset was the most intense but the top performer of the week resided on Beats By Ray (Brian). After an extremely controversial draft, where he insisted that he had the best squad for yet another season, Brian had to back up his picks with a strong performance in Week One. Some thought stockpiling the Falcons' offensive weapons would be foolish but HEH knew exactly what he was doing this week. Matty Ice (pictured above, if you weren't aware) led the Falcons and Beats By Ray to an opening week upset of the Saints and Team Chreeyusz, respectively. Throwing for a franchise record 448 yards and 3 scores, Ryan propelled Brian over Chris despite a poor performance from his prized possession, Jamaal Charles. Chreeyusz made a valiant comeback but the Falcons were simply too much to overcome. Brian looks to move to 2-0 next week as he butts heads with Shooter McGavin (Nick) in a Super Bowl rematch from last season. Will Andy Dalton make a surprise appearance? 

Ryan Mathews departs from last year's championship team, will he energize Team SSPD?

Speaking of the defending champ, Shooter McGavin was on the ropes for the entire weekend against newcomer, Chris Casey in his first week as owner of the Schenectady Schmeckles. Chris led for the majority of the weekend but it was the night games that got the defending champ back into it. Faced with a difficult decision on whether to start an injured Andre Ellington or Ryan Mathews, Shooter went with his instincts and it once again paid dividends. Spurred by late touchdowns from Ryan Mathews and Joique Bell, Nick would keep his winning ways going with an opening week win, pushing his winning streak to 4 games dating back to last year's playoffs. Chris came up short due to poor play from one Philip Rivers but will look to get back on track next in hopes of earning his first win. 

The other member making his debut, Kissing Suzy Kolber (Vinnie) rolled in his first career matchup against The Nard Dawgs (Will). This one wasn't close from the start as Vinnie rolled to his first career victory. Leading the charge were keepers Megatron and Matt Forte as they cruised to a lopsided victory margin of 50 points. Sorry Will. Will looks to bounce back in Week 2 against the Schmeckles. As for Vinnie, he takes on Team Chreeyusz which looks to be an interesting matchup. It will be tough for Vinnie as he may have to root for Aaron Rodgers against his beloved Jets. But don't worry, I'm pretty sure Geno Smith is still available on waivers. 

The final two matchups also involved intruging storylines, as it was a matchup of last year's 3rd place game as Marty Scorecrazy took on Beat Joe. Ben got off to a hot start with solid performances from CJ?K and Percy Harvin. Once the Sunday Night game rolled around, Cookies looked to step on Mommy Slut's throat with Peyton, Demaryius and Keenan Allen still remaining. Manning threw 3 early touchdowns but in a twist of fate, they all landed in the hands of Julius Thomas, the starting tight end for Beat Joe. As Stafford pounded the Giants on Monday, Josh sealed a Week One victory. It doesn't get easier for Cookies, as he faces Joe, the highest scoring team in the league. 

We round out the recap with the highest scoring team in the League, Two Cups One Josh. Joe reaped the benefits of having extra picks and crafted a dyanmic team that looks to be the consensus for best team in the league through one week. Obviously, alot can happen throughout the season but I pray for those who have to take on Joe each passing week. Dave was the first to take a crack at Joe and in a bold move, opted to not play a defense. Although he held on for a few hours, Dave couldn't withstand the onslaught of Two Cups One Josh.