What were the odds of this? Honestly, someone tell me. We're 5 weeks into the season and the two squads tied for the number one seed reside on Dolan Drive, and they aren't Chreeyusz or Nick (yet). Yes, you heard me, Dom and Dave, two of the league's franchises who are desperately starving for playoff football are in a great position to clinch a playoff spot this early. Two losses between them and they stemmed from when they played eachother and when Brian dropped nearly 200 points on them. Unbelievable how well these two teams are playing and it looks as though they're getting better.
As for the rest of the league, it is tighter than a Jew's wallet for the remaining 10 positions. Two wins separate the rest of the pack and it is a sight to see. There are no more easy teams to feed off for wins at this point. Yes, teams are struggling or injury plagued but when you look at your upcoming schedules, no opponent gives you a sense of confidence as it was years before. Once again, I think it has been great for the league and we have already seen some fantastic matchups thus far. Which brings us to the matchup of the weekend, although it wasn't between two heavyweights, if you followed this one all Sunday and Monday it was wildly exciting and intense.
As for the rest of the league, it is tighter than a Jew's wallet for the remaining 10 positions. Two wins separate the rest of the pack and it is a sight to see. There are no more easy teams to feed off for wins at this point. Yes, teams are struggling or injury plagued but when you look at your upcoming schedules, no opponent gives you a sense of confidence as it was years before. Once again, I think it has been great for the league and we have already seen some fantastic matchups thus far. Which brings us to the matchup of the weekend, although it wasn't between two heavyweights, if you followed this one all Sunday and Monday it was wildly exciting and intense.
GAME OF THE WEEK:
Prestige Worldwide - 128.1
Super Mariota Brothers - 123.7
One of the most intense matchups in the league in recent memory, this baby went down to the wire on Monday night as it was like pulling teeth trying to see which Chargers running back would be utilized at any given moment. Thankfully for Nick, it was Melvin Gordon more often than not and pulled out an impressive shootout win over Will to get back to 3-2 after an extremely rocky start. Yes, his team is still in shambles without many legitimate threats but each week he has got strong contributions from supporting players. This week, it was Doug Martin. Acquired earlier in the year, Martin paid extreme dividends posted a 36 point performance which certainly was the difference. Not to be outdone, a Saturday trade for Melvin Gordon supplied just enough points to get the W. Nick has been known to wheel and deal to get his team into a contender (see, 2013) but this year he still has plenty of work to do. But this is a promising start, Andrew Luck returns this week and he faces a team (Veto Corleone) that is strapped for points as much his owner is with facial hair (sorry Cooks, I know you're trying to grow that beard). Nick declined to comment once again as he's still probably trying to fathom how he's 3-2 with Rashad Jennings and Doug Martin as his starters, not to mention Slingin' Sammy Bradford who has posted 2 consecutive wins in relief of Luck.
"No comment."
Extremely tough pill for Will to swallow this week (Pharmacist pun) but he must be pleased how well his team played even without Beast Mode. DeMarco Murray finally did something to warrant his keeper status and with AJ Green and Justin Forsett playing well, it is clear that this is not a 1-4 team. This matchup could've gone differently and the same with other weeks before. At this current juncture, a healthy Marshawn should be able to steer Will towards the playoffs once again as the rest of the league is so tight. Going forward, he will face a tough decision at QB each week as Joe Flacco would have won him the matchup over Mariota. Flacco is normally throwing late in the games but Mariota has played infinitely better on a statistical standpoint. Just the conundrum of fantasy sports I guess...Will is a crafty veteran who has playoff experience (3 appearances in 4 years) and knows what it takes to get back to December. When asked about this weekend, he told me:
"This week was a heartbreaker as we were dealt our second Monday night loss. Next week, a matchup with the bright offensive mind of Dave Troiano doesn't give us the kind of positive outlook we've had previously despite the season's situation. This season looks to be an uphill battle for our squad. Props to Prestige Worldwide for making some big trades that have pushed his team to the next level."
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| Will's reaction to J-Force's recent play. |
NOW, FOR YOUR WEEKLY RECAP....
Largest Margin of Victory:
- Destroy Him over Kissing Suzy Kolber - 54.3 Points
Upset of the Week:
- The Apocalypse over Date Rape Bill Crosby
Most Points Scored ($10 for Week 5):
- Prestige Worldwide - 128.1 Points
Least Points Scored:
- Kissing Suzy Kolber - 68.5 Points
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| Teams pulling wins out of their asses like... |
Flaming Dragon - 84.7
The Apocalypse - 100.5
This was supposed to be the matchup of the week but shit happens. And by shit, I meant this matchup. Before Le'Veon Bell exploded in the Monday night game, neither team looked like they were going to score 100 points. Both teams were already depleted, forced to start reserve players and you could certainly tell. For Joe, it was another win on the comeback trail as his studs, Le'Veon and Eli Manning (lolz) led him to victory once again. This marks three straight wins after his disastrous start and his trade with Josh. If this win wasn't sweet enough, there are rumors that Dez has an outside shot of coming back in Week 7. It would obviously provide a massive boost to a team that is already trending up. Next week, he takes on one of the hottest teams in the league and a win would place him as a legitimate contender once again. LeSean McCoy will be coming back from injury soon and that will be a team you would not want to face. Joe declined to comment because he was probably celebrating the big 23rd B-Day with some extracurricular activities.
"3-2...could be worse. Have the tools just haven't taken the time to set the proper lineup. Already won $15 bucks for high scores. Division titles mean nothing in the league so this team just needs to play .500 ball from here on out. Also fuck Will."
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| Can Charcandrick West save the day for Flaming Dragon? |
Team New Year - 89.8
Schenectady Schmeckles - 124.4
Patriots finally back and so is Chris' scoring ability. Tommy Brady and Edelman put the squad on his back once again and picked up another win. He is now tied with his 2014 win total and is a lock for setting franchise records in his second season. The gamble to take Brady early in the draft has paid off and so has his commitment to the rest of the Pats. Dion Lewis continues to produce at a strong rate. Including Gostkowski, the four Patriots combined for 80 points and with Arian Foster getting healthy, the Schmeckles are as dangerous as they come at this point. In addition to Foster's return, he picked up a much needed WR2 in Pierre Garcon in exchange for Melvin Gordon. As of right now, it appears his team's lineup is complete barring any injuries. Next week, Chris takes on Vinnie in an attempt to get to 4-2, which would be an amazing turnaround already after a rough rookie season. KSK is in must-win territory and Chris will need his squad to be sharp. An emotional game for the Pats against the Colts could be enough motivation already.
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| Don't look now but Chris is tied for 1st place |
Must have been tough for Chreeyusz to root against his Patriots but this one was really over before that game started. Jeremy Hill was painful to watch yet again as Russell Wilson and Allen Robinson weren't enough to make up Chris' lack of running back depth. The slow start has put Chris in do-or-die mode at an early point in the season. He will face Will in an ever-important matchup of 1-4 teams. The loser of this matchup will most likely be watching the playoffs from their couch (actually, they'd be doing that anyways)...well, you catch my drift. No team has ever came back from 1-5 to make the playoffs. I'm just assuming actually, I'm too lazy to check it out. Chris could be running with with two tightends for the upcoming weeks as Gary "Backdoor" Barnidge is turning into a valued asset (still not as good as Heath Miller). He has a lot of young pieces but has simply been unable to crack the code for setting a strong lineup. Here's hoping the young lad bounces back.
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| Jeremy Hill showing his projection for next week. |
Destroy Him - 117.2
Kissing Suzy Kolber - 62.9
Aside from Dave's team, no one is rolling more than Dom is right now. Even with a few of his main cogs on bye, he prompted new acquisition TJ Yeldon and Blake Bortles into the starting lineup for 50+ points. Jags haven't put up that many points since the Brunell Era and it is just a testament to how strong of a season Dom is having. In the past, lineup decisions would cripple his team and he now has the depth to plug in anyone at a given time and dominate. Usually strapped for points, he's 5th in scoring an due to a tiebreaker, 2nd in his division with the same record as Dave. When asked about his recent successes, Dom told me:
"Step in the right direction...Have a good team in front of me for next week."
That he does. Two of the hottest teams square off in Week 6 as Joe comes to town. Cam Newton faces a tough matchup so will see Blake Bortles once again?
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| Bortles Service: Poise of a veteran, in addition to looking like he's 45 years old |
Serious panic mode is now engaged at the KSK front office. Everyone assumed he would bounce back at some point but things are getting dire for Vinnie. Another week scoring the least amount of points and something else had to be done. He dealt TJ Yeldon and Andre Johnson last week to his opponent and they finally went off for 40 points combined as his new player Leonard Hankerson, was ineffective and is now banged up. Tuesday night, Vinnie dealt one of his prized keepers, the struggling Eddie Lacy to Josh for a decent haul (collusion?!?) in Keenan Allen and Latavius Murray. Certainly a step in the right direction but now it has to play out well on the field. Upset about last week's performance, he had this to say:
"Sometimes you go into a week with your QB as Aaron Rodgers, and the opposing QB's Blake Bortles and you feel pretty damn good about it. Then sometimes you lose."
Next week, it doesn't get easier as he faces his Lake George connection, Chris Casey in a matchup which appears to be a must win for Vinnie. Will he be able to stop the Patriots onslaught? Who knows what a defeat at the hands of Brady could do to man's psyche.
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| Recap of Vinnie & Dom's trade... |
Sweet Drippins - 88.6
Veto Corleone - 91.3
A win for either team this week would have been monumental for various reasons. Another one that went right down to the wire, Cooks squeaked out a massive victory to avoid falling to 1-4 on the year. Regardless of the win, the Broncos trio is really starting to take its toll on team Veto Corleone. Manning wasn't able to find the endzone against an incredible Raiders defense (not sarcasm) and CJ Anderson had a masterful 40-yard performance. A loss would've probably spurred a fire sale of his assets but now he has his sights focused on the playoffs yet again. The Broncos offense has to improve at some point and Ben is poised to hold out until that day comes (please don't hold your breath because you may suffocate). However, they face Ben's second team (Cleveland) and hopefully their defense will take another week off and supply the Broncos with enough firepower to get him back to .500 against Nick. Well I certainly hope not.
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| Is it time for Ben to send CJ packing? |
On the other side of the coin, an extremely devastating loss for Aaron. T-Mobile put up another strong game but it was his star player, Touchdown (Not with Vick at QB) Antonio Brown letting him down by only scoring single digits to thwart the comeback attempt. The Roethlisberger injury has plagued him in so many ways and the idea of picking up his 4th win already with a 3rd string QB would have made him a lock for the playoffs already. However, all is not lost...actually, yes it. Because as of yesterday afternoon, Tyrod Taylor has now been replaced by EJ Manuel due to injury and now Aaron is down to his 4th string QB. Who will he pull out of the waivers this weekend? The QB position on his lineup may as well come with a direct line to an ambulance at this point. Thoughts and prayers for whoever pulls the short straw and starts for Sweet Drippins this week. Prior to the typical QB injury, Aaron had this to say about the loss:
"Not a good week for the Drippin Boys this week. Had our chances to win. When the kicker and defense are the top scorers on your team you know it's a problem. Got hurt with the bye week. All we can hope is Big Ben comes back this week so my team can get back on track."
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| Preview of Aaron's next QB |
Taco Corp - 120.8
Fucking ThunderC**t - 79.3
Dave is absolutely ROLLING right now. Like a freight train from hell as his hero Chazz Michael Michaels would say. Going straight up the ass of the competition. We thought his lineup was already a contender but throw Todd "Da Gawd" Gurley into the mix? Lethal. Dave's been dying to realign his draft strategy to grab Leonard Fournette but unfortunately he has to wait another year for that, so he may as well take his best shot at the title when he can. Sitting at 4-1 he is tied with Dom for the division lead while holding the crucial tiebreaker and at this point it appears as though Dave should be planning on clearing his schedule on Sundays in December because he'll be watching his team in the postseason. I asked Dave about the victory and he told me:
"Dave Troiano Life Motto #13: Act like you've been there before. Am I in first? Sure. Have I accomplished my goal yet? Absolutely not."You have to admire the drive and ambition from this guy. A model of leadership throughout the sport. Going to be difficult when I play him to root for my team. Next week, Dave takes on Will with a chance to go to 5-1. Already surpassing his 2014 win total, it's gotta be the luck of the Irish (RIP Patches O'Houlihan).
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| The real question is, has this GIF already slipped into Dave's porn rotation? |
"This one is a tough pill to swallow. It's my fault I didn't have my team more prepared for Taco Corp. Nobody's fault but mine I said. I'm not gonna blame them. It's back to the drawing board for next week."Back to the drawing board indeed. He faces bitter rival Flaming Dragon and Brian certainly will not show any mercy.
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| The face you make when you get traded to Josh's team. |
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