WEEK 16: SLUSHIE BOWL IV & SEASON RECAP

HOLY SHIT. That's all I have to say after watching the end of that Monday Night game. I should've turned it off hours before but I couldn't resist seeing if Jimmy Graham and Matt Forte would either send Shooter McGavin packing in the postseason or earn me a second straight trip to the Super "Slushie" Bowl against my longtime rival, Brian "Heh" Constantino. If you don't recall, this was the matchup last year in Super Bowl III, where Nick pulled off the upset with his ace in the hole, Andy Dalton. After ripping my hair out watching, Kissing Suzy Kolber was not able to pull off the upset as Forte was crushed at the goal line and the usually sure handed Jimmy Graham dropped a catchable TD on a back shoulder throw to preserve the victory.

The Red Rifle hanging dong on Minnesota in last year's Super Bowl.

Unfortunately for Shooter, there will be no Andy Dalton this year or an injured Tony Romo to choose from. It's the Andrew Luck show for Nick and although he had his worst performance of the season against the Texans in a low-scoring affair. Speaking of low-scoring, Nick and Vinnie linked up as two of the highest scoring teams in the league and only mustered 185 points combined. Vinnie's only touchdown came from his defense, as the Ravens throttling of the Jaguars kept him alive in the matchup.

As for Brian, he walked into the semifinal matchup feeling strongly about the game and he was not disappointed as his team was fairly consistent, expect for his running backs. The injury to Julio Jones vaulted Harry Douglas into the starting lineup, who ended up going for 19 points in a spot start. Jones is rumored to return this week but we'll have to see how he progresses at practice until a final decision is made.

So without anymore idle conversation, let's preview this thing...

SLUSHIE BOWL IV: THE REMATCH

EMILIOOO!!!! (9-6) vs. Shooter McGavin (13-2)

It was so good last time, they decided to do it again. After an exciting championship and playoffs last season, fans were clamoring for a rematch. So we gave it to them. Just like Ali-Frazier, Stone Cold-Rock, Giants-Patriots, there is always a rematch when two titans meet. Although history points towards Brian capturing his second title, Nick's high powered lineup stands in his way. These two have been the toast of the Slushie Sundays league over the last two seasons, combining for a regular season record of 37-15 and meeting in the Super Bowl in back to back seasons. Teams tried to prevent a repeat champion and they failed. Each squad has claimed the crown in the first three seasons and it shall continue for another season. 

So who's going to win? Ideally, me. Realistically, it's much more complicated. Each team has dealt with their share of injuries this season but their strong starters and bench players have allowed them to get to this point. Nick's 3 running backs he played yesterday weren't the solidified starters coming into the season and Brian has leaned on Lamar Miller, Matt Ryan and rookie Kelvin Benjamin to assist Jamaal Charles, Gronk and Julio Jones. Each team is no stranger to putting up huge point totals. Nick had an off week in round two but was able to survive and hopes to bounce back in a major way in the finals.

Who will he start? Brian has had the luxury of two top-10 QBs all season and has swapped them in and out of different weeks all year. Now, in the biggest game of his career, who will he start? One mistake could prove to be crucial. Choose wisely, Bri. Roethlisberger takes on a Chiefs defense that is prone to give up plenty of yards through the air but will he pass on the opportunity for double points with Matt Ryan?

An update, as of Wednesday, Andy Dalton has been recalled back onto the active roster for the championship game. This, as mentioned in the group chat was simply an intimidation ploy and would only be strategic unless Andrew Luck would sit in Week 16. Coach Chuck Pagano clearly stated that he is against resting starters but you can never tell in the NFL. Dalton was the MVP of Super Bowl III but he'll the bench this year. Shooter McGavin's flex is the one position that has been a toss up for the last few weeks. Last weekend, Latavius Murray has a strong game but most likely won't get the start against a stingy Buffalo D.

Brian, on the other hand has his flex down pat. Kelvin Benjamin continued his phenomenal rookie campaign with over 100 yards in the win over Tampa Bay, without Cam Newton. This week, he'll take on a Browns defense that was gouged by AJ Green last week. On the other side of the coin, Jordy Nelson dropped a potential 94-yard touchdown that could've sealed the game for Nick but alas, it bobbled off his hands as the Packers would fall to the Bills. Also costing Nick a decent amount of money. Besides the fact, now the Packers desperately need to win and I'm sure Aaron Rodgers and company will hold nothing back this week against the Bucs.

Its no secret that whoever wins this weekend will once again etch their names on the trophy and preserve their legacy as two-time league champions. Who will it be? The repeat factor or the revenge factor. Nick and Brian have met three times in the playoffs and regular season and Shooter has won two out of three and more importantly, the playoff game. That was and still is Brian's only playoff loss in his career. Will he suffer another year of defeat or hoist the trophy on Monday night once the legacy is sealed? See you all on Sunday for an intense rivalry that culminates with yet another title on the line.

I would be remiss if I didn't include the rest of the league in this final blog post of the season. I say that it's the final post because there no way I'm writing one after the Super Bowl. For two scenarios. One, I win, again and take my winnings and lovely trophy on a week's vacation to Vegas to sight see, gamble, drink, relax by the pool, strip clubs, see Britney Spears at MGM Grand (for the pageantry of course) and finally return to Schenectady for my victory parade. Which will happen on Dolan Drive, so clear your schedules. It should start around 9 in the morning on Monday and will finish near downtown Schenectady at 3 PM as the streets will be lined with my adoring fans to congratulate me on yet another successful team.

Or option two, I lose the Super Bowl and I throw the trophy into a pillowcase filled with bricks and launch it over Niagara Falls. So naturally, I will not be near a computer for at least a few days after the game regardless. Thankfully, option 1 is 175% certain, which is why I'm currently looking for cheap plane tickets to Vegas on Southwest.com. But just in case there's a slight chance Brian might beat me, I've got my passport set aside.

Anyways, I wanted to finish the blog post with the superlatives for each member and reflect on another exciting year of fantasy. Didn't want to leave you guys out of the final blog post so I figured I do some superlatives and awards to poke fun and celebrate your seasons that came up short. You may not have won this year but of course, there is always next year. I cannot stress enough the importance of the new keeper rules and all the strategy that comes with it. Do your homework, pick the guys you want to build your team's future around for the next few years.

With that being said, I present to you, the Slushies, the first and only award show for our fantasy league to celebrate another memorable season in Slushie Sundays lore. I will present these random categories and will pick a winner for each while reminiscing on the event and show the other nominees.

2014 SLUSHIE AWARDS

The Ellis Hospital Award - Going to the team that suffered the most injuries throughout the season.

Winner: Dom Caputo

A season that started off so promising was immediately derailed by his teams inability to stay on the damn field. Dom's team spent so much time in the hospital they were able to become recurring characters on this season of Grey's Anatomy. It started with Ryan Mathews, who was dealt in Week 2 and was essentially injured on the plane ride over here. By the time got him back, he was starting LaGarette Blount instead, leading to another painful consolation appearance. Then there was RG3 his huge blockbuster deal that look promising for a week or two until he once again injured his knee and subsequently, Dom's playoff hopes. The list went on and on, whether it was Fred Jackson, Delanie Walker or Ahmad Bradshaw, Dom could bank on his team being a man down by the end of th weekend.

The Daniel Snyder Award - Going to the team with the worst trade(s) this season.

Winner: Josh Correra, Josh Correra's Quick Judgement

Oh Josh, I'm sorry I couldn't have thought of anything more fitting for you but I would just like to revisit a few trades you made this season. It wasn't even that the trades were so terrible it's just the surrounding circumstances after the moves were made. Of course, trading for Vincent Jackson and dealing away TY Hilton and a 5th round pick (which will sting at the next draft) was pretty bad, but I'm talking about the Matt Prater deal. I honestly think Vinnie got like Christine Michael with his draft pick but the fact that Prater was immediately cut right after the draft was laugh out loud funny. Prater actually had a strong season with Detroit, unfortunately, not for your team. However, you did happen to get Dan Bailey and that worked out pretty well. The quick judgement part dates back to the infamous Eddie Lacy trade. If you don't recall, Josh was the most outspoken critic of the deal and even wanted a veto. To his shock, Chris Casey turned three players (Steve Smith, Vernon Davis, Reggie Bush) into Lacy and Anquan Boldin, becoming one of the most lopsided trades in recent years. In fact, Eddie Lacy had better receiving stats than Reggie Bush and Steve Smith combined from Week 7 on. Not including the 523 yards from Anquan Boldin in that span. Which is why you don't judge a book or trade by it's cover.

The Bad Luck Brian Meme Award - Unluckiest team this season.

Winner: Chris Casey

This one could've gone to a few teams but I settled on Chris because he unfortunately had to fill the crater-sized void left by Drew's abomination of a team. Having to wheel and deal players for his keepers, he took Arian Foster with his franchises first overall pick and dealt him away weeks later after a few injuries. He traded for Ridley and Spiller, two players suffering season-ending injuries while Foster thrived the rest of the season, on Joe's roster...by the time he got Eddie Lacy back in 2013 form, it was already too late for the Schmeckles. There's certainly always next year and we expect him to bounce back quite nicely. Oh, did I mention he broke Aaron Pommer's record of total points allowed in a single season? No one suffered worst losses than Chris.

The Little Giants Award - Best upset of the season.

Winner - David Troiano

After draft night, the rift between Josh & Brian against Dave was bigger than the San Andreas fault line (shoutout to Earth Science and Becca Remis). Those two were doing enough trash talking Dave for his pre-draft trade in an attempt to get him out of the league for good. Dave vowed that his main goal for the season was not to make the playoffs, but to beat Josh and Brian to silence his critics haunting him for weeks. In his first attempt to shut their damn mouths, Dave came into the game a massive underdog against Josh's team. Already staring at an 0-2 record and with a good chance of his season being put to rest after it had just started, Dave fought Josh tooth and nail to set up a potential Monday night comeback in the Jets-Bears game on the backs of huge games from Marshawn Lynch and Russell Wilson. Needing 10 points from Nick Folk and Martellus Bennett didn't seem difficult but Dave knew it wouldn't be easy. The game got off to a slow start but after a pair of Folk field goals, Dave sealed the victory with a Bennett TD grab to shock the entire league and regain his interest in the season.

Not the same game but just impressive nonetheless.

The Joe Bergami Award - Best team on paper that doesn't win it all.

Winner - Joe Bergami, naturally.

It's becoming a recurring theme. Joe assembles dynamic and powerful roster, gets tripped up in the playoffs. If you thought last years team was good, this was one was even better. When your worst starter was LeSean McCoy, you're doing pretty well for yourself. Team "Ahhhh!! Breaded" was able to shake off some of his demons this season by winning his franchise's first playoff game but was trounced in the next round by his roommate this past weekend. One of these seasons, Joe's going to win this whole thing and the rest of the league would not be shocked in the slightest. He does his homework, drafts well, makes strong lineups and picks up great waivers. It's going to click for him eventually, just a matter on when. Based on keepers, he'll be one of the elite teams in 2015. This is not a slight at mine or Brian's team. Clearly, either squad, along with others were championship caliber but we can agree that if Joe's team won it all we would've just accept it is as fact withouth any resistance. Here's to next year, Doe.

The Tom Cruise "Rain Man" Award - Most successful team with Drew as a co-manager.

Winner - Aaron Pommer

When he started the season, things were looking up for Aaron's squad, they were ranked as the best team in the draft grades and everyone thought that they would be a title contender. Week one, Victor Cruz dropped an easy catch on the sidelines that could've sealed his first victory...he didn't. That was what cost him a 3-0 start. In those few short weeks, he also made an extremely interesting move. Hitching his wagon to the skill and expertise of Drew Fahrenz, who was out of the league for a short while after back-to-back under .500 seasons, highlighted by his fire sales towards the trade deadline and his infamous pick of Jason Witten in the second round in 2012. Drew actually made some strong draft picks as Aaron's pick advisor this season but everyone knew it would be a questionable move bringing him along, as he was Dustin Hoffman to Aaron's Tom Cruise if I can use a Rain Man analogy for a second (shoutout to Ben since its his favorite movie, or at least it was). No, Drew wasn't spending his nights memorizing the telephone book or counting cards to win millions, he was simply giving his input on personnel moves (to a certain extent) hoping to recapture the magic of his playoff birth like in 2011. Although he has still yet to pay his $25 entry fee to Aaron, Drew's stigma as a subpar owner did not sink the DrewBree Brothers completely, as they snuck into the playoffs before bowing out to Nick in the first round. Will Drew be back next year? Who knows honestly.

The Washington Redskins Award - Team that had season derailed by the rise/fall of Kirk Cousins.

Winner - Will Gavin

This was an isolated incident but it proved costly. In a week eight matchup against Josh, Will was forced to start Kirk Cousins after his revival as a starting QB but the problem was that he was injured and not going to play. RG3 was also hurt and that left one man for the job, Colt McCoy. Will, desperate for a win, wasn't aware that Cousins wasn't playing and Josh had the maniacal move to pick up McCoy and all other available QBs to freeze out Will and preserve his victory. If Will had snagged McCoy before it was too late, he would have easily won the matchup and would have ultimately made the playoffs due to that one win. Really unfortunate stuff. It was a rough season for Will, had a extremely talented team but quarterback play was shotty at best, especially when they didn't even play in a primetime game. Regardless, classic Josh move though. Win at all costs attitude that only Brian could appreciate. Keep your heads on a swivel guys and always check your lineups frequently.

The Eddie Mordecai Hecker Memorial Award - Best season by a Slushie Sundays rookie.

Winner - Vinnie Crocitto

Vinnie gets this award due to his immediate impact on the league, similar to Andrew Luck and Robert Griffin III. He inherited a great team, yes, but his frequent trades and transactions like acquiring Aaron Rodgers and Jerick McKinnon put him at an elite status from the get go. His keeper situation has set him up for future success, hopefully he can avoid the sophomore slump. As for Chris, it was a rough season for him but he showed signs of promise and has already committed to next season. The draft will be crucial for both teams and can supplant them as elite teams for years to come. If it was based solely on keepers, Vinnie is already the odds on favorite for next year's championship.

The LeBron James Award - Best transition from High School to the Pros.

Winner - Christian Caputo

His season looked extremely promising. Swapping Julio Jones for Adrian Peterson? Genius. Knowing he beats his child? Terrible timing. Chris wanted to write off his entire season after week two since Josh Gordon's suspension would run into November. Regardless, he ripped off an impressive winning streak and found himself right behind Nick for the division lead the entire season. Even with a number of players missing, he would consistently put up points and knock some of the elite teams in the league. Chreeyusz got off to a fantastic start in his career by making the playoffs in his rookie season and knocking off his brother in the first round. Last year, he was boxed out of the playoffs in the last week and vowed that he would be back. Unfortunately, he was upset by Vinnie in the first round but this was only the beginning.

The Papa John's Award - Franchise revitalized the most by Peyton Manning

Winner - Benjamin Fontana

Yet another year that the Cookie Man held onto Peyton Manning and it paid dividends for the most part. Starting 0-3 with a slew of bad luck, it looked like Ben was in fear of missing the playoffs for the first time in his Slushie Sundays career. However, Manning and Demaryius Thomas finally broke out and Ben's team was revered for the last few weeks of the season heading into the playoffs. Any week, you worried if Ben would hang 150 points on you. This award spans last year as well, when Ben captured 3rd place after sneaking into a playoff spot. Consistently under the radar but with Manning on his team, he cannot be overlooked. It will be interesting if Cooks holds onto Peyton for one more year or if he will finally decide that it's time to build for the future. Either way, it's been a hell of a run.

Welp, hope you guys enjoyed the annual Slushie awards and this entire season. As usual, it was still a pleasure to be your commissioner. Once the Super Bowl ends, the offseason trek begins and this will be the most important one in our league's history. I challenge you  to trade and strategize to mold your teams for the future. Keep in mind that keeper round picks can't be traded and just remember the value of each draft pick. Gems like Mike Evans, Kelvin Benjamin and Emmanuel Sanders were later picks and could change the entire fortune of your team. See you on Sunday at the banquet.

God bless,

Nick

Week 15: Round Two

Blowout city baybayyyy. That's how I would summarize the first round of the playoffs. There was one matchup that had any shot of being close going into the Monday night game and even that turned out to be an ass-whooping. Sorry Josh. These semifinal matchups are a nice snapshot of some of the most dominant teams this season. Should be another high scoring weekend as each of these teams posted 130+ points in their opening round victories.

Without further adieu, let's preview each matchup individual...

BRIAN (8-6) VS. JOE (9-5)

All year, we've been hearing from these two the most about how they were going to win it all. One of them still has a chance to be right after this weekend. It's a battle of the new roommates, putting their friendship to the test in an epic duel of fantasy football. Many questions to be answered. Can Brian avenge last season's Super Bowl loss with another appearance? Can Joe keep his newfound winning ways in the playoffs going? Will either of them stay awake to actually watch their entire matchup? We'll find out soon enough.

Both squads punished their first round opponents by a combined score of 140 points and we should expect more fireworks this weekend. Last night, Joe started Jerry Cook Jr. at Tight End to minimal success, as he posted only 3 points. Brian's off to a big advantage as he will trot out Gronk this week against the Dolphins. As for the rest of their lineups, plenty of firepower to go around. The most important NFL game has to be the Falcons-Steelers tilt on Sunday afternoon.

Brian holds both QB's, Julio Jones and Roddy White while Joe has LeVeon Bell, who is looking to break history with his fourth straight game of 200+ total yards. Who will Brian start? As for Joe's QB, we all know the story. He drafted Newton but soon traded for Stafford because he's 'his guy'. Stafford helped Joe gather the third seed when Newton struggled but last week, Newton ripped off 40 points and had an even more favorable matchup this weekend. Unfortunately, Newton was in a serious car accident this week and will be unable to play. Thankfully, he'll be okay, but won't be playing this weekend. Forcing Joe's hand to play Stafford in the most important game of his fantasy career. He's endured so much heartbreak with Stafford as his QB in the postseason, will he expand on last week's success?


Brian will also make the difficult choice of putting his fantasy life at stake with his beloved Falcons, specifically Matt Ryan. In the shootout last week, Ryan and Jones combined for 75+ points and a repeat against Pittsburgh could ensure him yet another berth in the championship game. In fact, his third in three playoff appearances.

The winner of this game will certainly be the favorite to win the title next week, as for who they will play? We'll have to find out.

NICK (12-2) VS. VINNIE (8-6)

A lesser version of the roommate bowl, Nick and Vin link up in the second semifinal matchup for a shot at the Super Bowl. A win would be monumental for either squad. For Nick, it would be a second straight trip to the title game, keeping his quest for a repeat championship alive. Vinnie could become the second rookie to ever make it to the title game in their first season, after Eddie reached the 2012 championship before bowing out to Josh.

Each team also won in impressive fashion last weekend as their superstar QB's were the guiding force to an opening round win. Andrew Luck scored 28 points still in arguably one of his worst performances of the season as Aaron Rodgers took care of business against Atlanta while racking up 30 points himself. Statistically, these two are the top-2 rated QBs in our league and will both be crucial for the their respective teams success this weekend. One kicker is that Nick had Jordy Nelson, Rodgers favorite target as his number 1 receiver. Nelson roasted the Atlanta secondary for 33 points and will be looking for a repeat as the Packers take on the Bills in frigid Buffalo.

Injuries have plagued each team in the recent weeks and the latest to suffer is Andre Ellington, who's hip pointer has landed him on IR and will be done the rest of the season. Nick had leaned on Ellington so often during the season as his most durable running back but the inujry bug has finally caught up to him. Nick was #blessed last week as his deep bench was able to produce two gems in Joique Bell and Jonathan Stewart, each going for more than 20 points. Over the season, he had carefully selected his bench players in case there was a time he would need them and that time is now. Rolling with the pair again this week, can Nick survive without his true starter?

Vinnie's been able to use Matt Forte as a workhorse all season but had an excellent compliment back in Jerick McKinnon. Unfortunately, this waiver wire diamond in the rough was out last week and was also placed on IR. Starting in his place was Terrance West, who didn't score much but is a servicable backup with Forte leading the way. Vinnie's main concern lies with Jimmy Graham, who once again had an off-game. Held under 5 points in 3 of the last four weeks is a sign for concern. Maybe he can bounce back this when he needs it the most.

Week 14: PLAYOFFS

It is upon us. The week that we all have been waiting for since we selected our keepers. The playoffs are here people. To quote the elder Jim Mora Sr., "PLAYOFFS?!?". There wasn't too much excitement in terms of matchups this weekend, unless you have a fetish for playoff seeding. We have 4 heavyweight matchups in the best field of playoff teams in recent memory.

Without further adieu, let's preview each matchup individual...

Week 13 Preview: Win & Get In

Largest Margin of Victory: The Heismanbergs over Ebola Kills - 49.4

Most Points Scored: The Heismanbergs - 163.8  
Least Points Scored: Team Next Year - 86

Unsung Hero of the Week: Justin Forsett - 32 Points
Biggest Fantasy Duds: Andrew Luck, Calvin Johnson, Jonas Gray
Best Waiver Pickup: Daniel "Boom" Herron (Heismanbergs) - 15 Points

Well the time has finally come gentlemen, the final week of the 2014 Slushie Sunday season is upon us. Last week, we saw some unbelievable heroics from teams in "must-win" mode to keep their season alive with massive primetime performances. Most notably, Justin Forsett and Odell Beckham Jr. I'm sure by now everyone and their mothers have seen the ODB catch (maybe Barb hasn't...) but anyways, if you're reading fantasy moms, here it is...

If you were following my tweets that night, you would know that this was the most incredible catch i've ever seen in my life but it also had a lot more implications than the Giants blowing a huge lead eventually. Dom's fantasy season was severely at stake going into this game and ODB had to find a way to outscore Jimmy Graham the next night to allow Dom to stay afloat in the playoff hunt. In fact, this was only one of Beckham's 10 catches that night, earning him 31.5 points and a comfortable cushion for Dom to lock up his 5th win to force a "win and get in" scenario next week against Will, who also benefitted greatly from an amazing primetime performance.

Justin Forsett was already having himself a breakout fantasy season since he emerged as the leading back in the crowded Ravens backfield in wake of the Ray Rice scandal/TKO. He sealed his fantasy immortality Monday night with a 32-point performance, essentially putting The Nard Dawgs on his back to extend Will's season. Will and Aaron/Drew jockeyed back and forth all night with The DrewBree Brothers benefitting  from huge games from Steve Smith and Drew Brees, but alas, it wasn't enough. Forsett scored a late TD with 2 minutes left to eclipse the 175-yard plateau and gave Will a 15-point cushion to remain on life support for one final week.

For Aaron, it was another tough loss and now must win this weekend against Brian, which is never an easy task. In addition, with Dom holding the tiebreaker over the DrewBree Brothers, they would need Will to upset Dom as well in order to sneak into the 8th seed to face Shooter McGavin in a potential first-round matchup. However, the win might come for the Brothers easier than they thought as Brian has concocted a scheme to avoid facing Ben or Vinnie in the first round...let Aaron set his lineup this week in a twisted series of mind games ala Rodney Ruxin from The League (which he was wrong, it was actually Pete that let Ruxin choose his lineup, but whatever). Basically Ruxin gets so paranoid about who to play, ultimately causing him to lose.

Currently, Ebola Kills is the fourth seed and is slated to play Joe (AHHHH! BREADED) in the first round which apparently Brian prefers. If that's not bulletin board material for Joe next week in the playoffs, I'm not sure what is. It's certainly a bold strategy but we'll check back and see if it pays off. As for Joe, his team knocked off Shooter McGavin in another off-week for Nick as both teams look to gear up to possibly play each other in the second round, assuming they both can survive the opening round.

Speaking of the playoffs, I figured I'd dedicate this post to a sort of review of this past season and discuss potential playoff seeding, starting with the battle for first pick next year (keepers permitting). The Schmeckles and Taco Corp are the only teams eligible to secure the first pick next year but that doesn't mean the season was a complete failure. Securing the first selection in a keeper league was crucial this year as Arian Foster was selected first by Chris in his first ever draft. Although he had nagging injuries and was traded to Joe, Foster had one of the best years in the running back position. With the optional keeper rules, one of these two teams could say "fuck keepers" and start from scratch, taking more players before others get to select due to their high draft picks.

Currently, both Chris and Dave has players that easily be kept but is it more beneficial to start over completely and take advantage of the players that could potentially not be kept? This is what makes the new keeper rules so intriguing for future seasons...do you trust your current players? or do you want to risk other teams having the same mindset as you and letting all your fantasy studs be up for grabs? I believe we should vote that a deadline for keepers must occur at least a week before the draft so teams can accurately strategize for the impending 2015 draft, but thats for a later time. Anyways, this week, Taco Corp squares off against Shooter McGavin as a heavy underdog and with a loss, would secure him the number one pick for next season. However, it was this time last year that Dave pulled off the upset against Nick in the final week to squeak into the playoffs for his second career appearance. Shooter's team has been off the past two weeks but is looking to end the season on a strong note. For Nick, he's already wrapped up the number one overall seed with a division title and a chance to tie Will and Brian's record for most wins in a season with 11.

Chris' matchup seems like an easier task on the outside looking in but The Heismanbergs are becoming one of the most feared teams in the league. The Cookie Man is already being pegged as the dark horse to win the entire league and has Brian cowering in fear just so he doesn't have to play him. You may ask, why has Ben garnered this reputation? Due to his ability to score points and lots of them and it was full display last week as he unleashed a bukkake of fantasy points on Ebola Kills with Peyton and Demaryius tag-teaming Matt Ryan and Julio Jones for 69 (LOL) points alone en route to the most lopsided victory of the weekend. Ben has an outside shot of ending up as the 5 seed if he wins, and both Joe and Vinnie lose. So this is a very important game for the Cookie Man as well.

Josh has also clinched a division title and the second overall seed for next weekend's postseason but he can assist in the playoff seeding battle. With a win over Vinnie, Kissing Suzy Kolber runs the risk of slipping down to the seventh seed, assuming Ben wins. So Just must ask himself, who would he rather play in the first round??? A win gives him the opportunity to play Vinnie again, but a loss could allow him to take on Ben, where these two have some history against each other. We all remember opening week last year where Peyton dropped a 60-burger against Mommy Slut to start the season. Who would he rather face? Peyton or Aaron Rodgers? Sounds awful either way. Good luck Josh. There is also a chance he could face Dom if things fall in his favor.

Josh took care of business against Chreeyusz this past weekend and sealed the division title for Shooter (thanks). Now, Chris clings to the 3rd seed with a potential matchup against Vinnie in the first round but this is sure to change by this time next week. Team Next Year may have lost their shot at the division, but they did gain a HUGE piece just in time for the playoff run. Remember when Chris was questioned for acquiring Josh Gordon in the draft so early? Looks pretty smart right now. Gordon terrorized the Falcons last week, racking up 8 catches for 120 yards, which shows that he is truly back and ready to roll. With the Browns playing meaningful football in December for the first time since Kelly Holcombe (who?) was their starting QB (impressive name drop), Flash Gordon is poised to put Cleveland and Chris' team on his back for the remaining weeks. Since Jay Cutler is now playing for his job in Chicago, Chris also benefits from the Bears' desperation with his Cutler-Alshon combo that has saved him many times. TNY takes on Joe this weekend and a win would wrap up the 3rd seed, but a loss could prove costly. A loss to Joe and a win by Brian would move Chris down to 5th, meaning he would most likely play one of those teams. He has been the surprise of this entire season, can he keep it rolling for the upcoming weeks?

I think that's covered every team, right? If I didn't go too in-depth about your team I'm just simply saving it for the next preview. Hope this doesn't confuse people too much. In 6 days we'll all know our fates and the real fun begins. If you thought this week's preview was strong, you've got no idea what I've got in store for my first ever playoff preview. In addition, I would like to get as many people together in the playoff weeks together to watch with eachother, it would be awesome to see more smack talk, reverse jinxes and even some hazing (emotionally and physically) against one another. You know, like in D3: The Mighty Ducks where the Ducks and the Varsity spend about 10 minutes of the movie playing pranks to get in each other's heads before the final JV-Varsity scrimmage. Something along those lines, like putting rare fire ants into your opponents rooms and beds or taking your opponent out to a lavish and expensive dinner, only to have them pay for the entire meal that they ASSUMED WAS FREE, forcing you, the opponent to spend the night at restaurant cleaning the bathrooms and kitchen.

"Thanks for dinner....LOSERS?!?" - Greg Goldberg

**Disclaimer, on the slight chance I do lose first round of the playoffs, I will shutdown the site, hack into the league page, take the money and trophy and disappear off the grid to nestle into my new life as a hermit in the Appalachian Mountains, where there is no formal record of me actually losing and thus forever remaining defending champ of this league I care about so dearly. You might come to look for me, or the trophy but it is a lost cause. The Appalachians are the second largest mountain chain in the United States, spanning from New York to Alabama. Of course, you could always make a new trophy and continue the league without me but it won't be the same. Just remember that (not really, but just wanted to give you an idea of what I'd be capable of).

Oh and that brings to the point I was trying to make, don't expect a recap if I lose. Say what you want but i'll be in a SHIT mood, honestly. A mood that only Lucia's Calzones and Nico's Calzones and Taco Bell and copious amounts of alcohol can satisfy. Even then, I'll still be confined to my room, using the my closet as an outhouse (although the bathroom's 5 feet away) and using my blinds to block out the suns rays until I see fit that I can emerge from the shadows as a LOSER, a CHOKE ARTIST, and a DISGRACE. The emotional scarring will run so deep that I might die of internal bleeding. Graphic? Yes, but it is necessary to show you how badly I want a repeat championship and I know you all would feel the same way, if you were in my position and actually did something meaningful with your lives AKA 'Win a fantasy championship in the lat 12 months'.

Anyways............

Just want to thank everyone for participating this year and once again making it the best experience in fantasy sports, in my opinion. We may argue but its all part of our competitive nature and thats what makes the league great, the banter, the jokes, the intrigue and the upsets. Best of luck the rest of the season and Happy Thanksgiving. Just remember what we're all ultimately playing for, the trophy....that sits right next to my bed, because I won last year.

                                                                                                          (Nick's 2013 Title)

Week 7 Recap: "Choke on that Baybayyy!"

Largest Margin of Victory: TEAM I QUIT! over Team Next Year - 51.7

Most Points Scored: Slob On My Cobb - 136.2  
Least Points Scored: Team Next Year - 69.3

Unsung Hero of the Week: Russell Wilson - 41.1 Points
Biggest Fantasy Duds: Larry Fitzgerald, Julio Jones, Gio Bernard
Best Waiver Pickup: Carson Palmer (TEAM SSPD) - 20.1 Points

Another majestic weekend for Shooter. Started by making a few trades and ended with his league-high 6th win of the season. A balanced performance, he was aided by new addition Emmanuel Sanders and his keepers Andre Ellington and Andrew Luck. Scoring over 100 points yet again, Nick is poised to grab the number one seed and continue his title defense in December. I mean, Shooter's allowed the second-least points this year but he's also the second-highest scoring squad behind Josh. Call it luck or whatever, but he's consistently putting up points and he wants that GOLD JACKET. Holding a two-game divisional lead, each passing week will shorten his magic number. Maybe it's time to start resting his star players? Andrew Luck has a bye in week 10 but maybe this guy can replace him as QB...

As for his opponent, Taco Corp is on the verge of filing for bankruptcy as Dave's losing streak continues. He's getting everything he can from Russell Wilson but the rest of his team needs to pick up the slack if he's going to make it to the postseason. Maybe new additions Darren McFadden and Pierre Garcon can provide a shot of life into his squad. 

Speaking of sputtering teams, Ebola Kills has found a losing streak, plaguing Brian's entire lineup in the process. As the Falcons continue to struggle, Brian's chances of making another title game appearance seem to be going out the window. He'll be quarantined to the Toilet Bowl if he isn't careful. A rough last-minute to Antonio Brown and The DrewBree Brothers hurts but on the other side of the coin, the Pommer-Fahrenz duo dialed up a win when it was most-needed to keep their playoff hopes alive. Currently in 10th place, the Brothers relied on Brown and Brees once again. A brilliant flex play of Chris Ivory proved to be the difference as it provided solace to the Jets' crushing loss on Thursday. They'll begin to truly reap the benefits of the Eddie Lacy trade in the upcoming weeks as they make their playoff push.

Speaking of teams needing a win, how about the performance from Team I Quit!? If there was ever a team that needed a victory it was Joe's. In fear of falling even further behind the 8-ball, Joe dialed up a huge performance led by his stud running backs, LeVeon Bell and Arian Foster. He didn't need much to roll over Chreeyusz in the biggest blowout of the week but it was a relief to see Joe's team at full strength once again. 6 weeks to go and he's clinging to the 8 seed in need of a winning to secure a 4th straight season in the playoffs. Also, if anyone needs a must win, start by saying you're giving up on this season. All three teams that have said they've given up are 3-0 the next week and 7-4 since that point (Dave, Joe & Chreeyusz). Now to Chreeyusz, who finally saw his streak come to an end after 4 straight impressive wins. When Team Next Year loses, they lose ugly, scoring under 70 points for the 3rd time this season. Thanks to the great recovery, TNY is right in the thick of the playoff race and can seal up a spot with a few more wins the rest of the way.

For the self-dubbed matchup of the week, it was over rather quickly without the night games having any real impact. Both teams aren't shy about putting up points and if we're being honest, they have the most talent in the league. Of course, I'm talking about Slob On My Cobb and Kissing Suzy Kolber. Jockeying for the 2nd position while Shooter builds another winning streak, either of these two teams could be holding the trophy when it's all said and done. Once again leaning on his Cowboys, Josh was able to secure his 5th win of the season. As long as Murray and Dez keep it up, Josh appears  to be the team to beat in this entire league (totally not a reverse jinx or any black magic). Hope you had a great birthday weekend Josh, and hope you wished for the Cowboys to avoid their annual collapse in the later stages of the season. As for Vinnie, injuries to Jimmy Graham and Megatron could severely cripple a team but he was still able to muster 100 points. A true testament to the team's depth and the pure dominance of Aaron Rodgers and Matt Forte. Here's to hoping that these two meet in the playoffs so I won't have to face both of them ;) ...In addition, these two will square off one more time before the season closes with serious seeding implications to likely be at stake.

If you had to make a documentary on the trials and tribulations of Dom's season, a great title would have to be "Suck It, Rest of the League" or this fitting Will Ferrell quote. After having the worst first round bust of the season besides Adrian Peterson (Zac Stacy) and leaving the draft 4 rounds early, we thought it'd be another rough season for Team SSPD. Once Ray Rice was not coming back, his running backs started to look like a revolving door of manure. Then, Fred Jackson emerged, followed by Ahmad Bradshaw and eventually, they both became Top-10 backs. Sticking with his Colts roots, he latched onto to Reggie Wayne to lead his receivers while dealing away Jimmy Graham for Delanie Walker and others. He's by far scored the least amount of points but he continues to win. Poised to make his first playoff appearance, he will need his entire team to get healthy as it seems like every week he loses someone to an injury, (RG3, Ryan Mathews, Reggie Wayne, Fred Jackson). He pulled off another win this weekend in a low scoring bout with Will and has positioned himself to the 6th spot in the playoff bracket. Interesting enough, only 3 of Dom's current players were people he actually drafted. Who says turnover is a bad thing? Willy G, made a return to the 518 this weekend (Congrats Sheryl!) but it quickly turned into a disaster once he saw Gio Bernard play. His main horse was stifled by the Colts as The Dawgs went on to score a lowly 69 points this weekend. Thankfully, he edged out Chreeyusz by 0.5 points to avoid the Trojan ENZ "Boner of the Week" Award for lowest fantasy score. Now sitting under .500 once again, KAPERNACK and the boys will look to gain momentum for a playoff run and it can all start with a winning streak. Didn't think I'd be writing this much about this matchup but it happened.

For our final game of the weekend, we head to Jerusalem for the Schenectady Schmeckles weekly update. It would appear the Schmeckles are as impervious to winning as they are to leaving an 18% tip, as they lost once again to the Heismanbergs in a blowout. Chris was missing a few of his players from last Thursday's Eddiec Lacy trade. Lacy played well, but it was not enough to stop the juggernaut that is, the Cookie Man. The majority of his team played like hot vomit but when you possess Peyton Manning and Demaryius Thomas, it's pretty easy to win ballgames when they're combining for 70 points. Both teams to tighten up some loose ends on their roster if they want any shot at postseason success. Chris has his work cut out for him, 3 games out of a playoff spot with 6 weeks isn't an impossible task, especially with the entire league beating up on eachother. Next week against the DrewBree Brothers is basically a must win. If you truly want to know who won the Eddie Lacy trade, the winner of that matchup should make it clear. As for Cookies, The Bergs are the hottest team in the league riding a four-game winning streak on the broad shoulders and massive forehead of Peyton Manning. His team's turnaround is very impressive but can this success be replicated in the upcoming weeks?

Welp, that's it. I like writing the recaps this way so I'm just going to keep doing what I please because I'm an strong, independent, male who won't let society mold him. But seriously, hope you liked the recaps, I'm doing the best to make it more comical but you can only to so much when talking about fantasy sports.

Week 6 Recap & Week 7 Preview: The Plot Thickens

Largest Margin of Victory: The Nard Dawgs over The DrewBree Brothers - 116.9

Most Points Scored: The Nard Dawgs - 175 

Least Points Scored: The DrewBree Brothers - 58.1

Unsung Hero of the Week: Colin Kaepernick - 35.4 Points

Biggest Fantasy Duds: Matthew Stafford, Doug Martin

Best Waiver Pickup: Branden Oliver (Schenectady Schmeckles) - 20.4 Points

What a crazy week. Teams with their backs against the wall have stepped up and now other teams have positioned themselves in the corner, in the spotlight, losing their religion. The Schmeckles finally got their first win in their franchise's short existence, squeaking out a two point victory against Taco Corp as Phil Dawson could not provide Dave with another big performance in primetime. With the win, Chris has now found himself in the thick of the playoff hunt along with Dave, Aaron-Drew and JOE. Joe's capitalized due to the fact that he just turned 22 (HBD DOE) and also because his team has dropped an astounding four straight games and currently finds his team on the outside looking in. 

With all his team's talent, he has been unable to put together a winning combination due to numerous injuries and shorty performances from his stars such as LeSean McCoy and new acquisition Matt Stafford.  Joe, no stranger to Stafford's inconsistency, has now dropped 4 straight games when Stafford has been his starting quarterback dating back to the 2013 playoffs. His first week was stellar, posting 30 points in a loss but since then, he hasn't reached that total in the combined two weeks. Searching for a spark and simply just a win, Joe will take on the red-hot Team Next Year, helmed by resident genius Chreeyusz Caputo. A month ago, Chreeyusz had declared his season a wash due to the suspension of Adrian Peterson and Josh Gordon but has now magically won four straight games with a depleted lineup that has benefitted from great trades and stellar waiver pickups.

One of Chris' biggest critics was his opponent this weekend, everyone's favorite Mommy Slut, Josh Correra and team Slob On My Cobb.  Weeks before, in a weekly conversation about the league, Josh had mentioned to me that he thought Chreeyusz had "the worst team in the league" and wouldn't you know it, his squad was bested by Chris and now each of them are tied for the second spot in the league right behind your defending champ, your primary blogger, your commissioner and most importantly, your power forward, Nick Caputo. Fresh off his weekend extravaganza in Sin City, Nick "PapaGeorgio" (see, Vegas Vacation) dialed up another victory whilst scoring over 100 points in a week. For those counting at home (mainly just me), it's been 11 straight weeks since he's gone below the century mark and remains the top dog and the model of consistency in the fantasy football league. Everyone was promptly reminded with the weekly shirtless picture of the champ holding his 2013 prize. A grotesque sight, but it's too good of a picture to resist plaguing the eyes of his fellow league-mates.

Alright, enough about my successes. Other winners this weekend included Benny Fontana, Vinnie Crocitto and Willy Gavin, who makes his return to the 518 this weekend which shall prove to be a smashing good time. As for Ben, like the Browns, the Cookies pulled off an upset over "big brother" Brian Constantino and the Vinegar Strokes. I say big brother to remind everyone of the dominance that Brian has held over Cookies in the past. Be sure to peep the video above to know what I'm referring to. After numerous fights and altercations between the two, Ben finally has the upper hand and now can boast a .500 record after an 0-3 start. Let's just hope the success doesn't fade like everything else that Cleveland gets it's hands on (update, throw Ebola into the mix too). Vinnie has had an up and down season due to injuries and a few rough weeks. However, he's shown on multiple occasions that his squad has the ability to put up massive amounts of points each week. He's now a game out of first place at 4-2 and looks like he'll be in the postseason in his first season in the Slushie Sundays league.

To round out the recap, we discuss the dynamic team that is the Nard Dawgs. After a slow start, Will has climbed back to .500 with a blowout win of epic proportions. His 175 points were the most this season and the most in a regular season week all-time. The impressive part was that his leading scorer was 35 points this week by Colin Kaepernick, in addition to a record-setting day from T.Y. Hilton, who scorched the Texans on Thursday night. The team on the other side of last weekend's massacre was The DrewBree Brothers. The Brothers have struggled heavily in the past three weeks, losing their last three and now have found themselves out of the playoff picture. Getting absolutely no production from their running backs, Antonio Brown has cooled off and the team is really starting to lose ground in the standings. Hopefully they can bounce back in Week 7. Continue reading for the Week 7 Preview.

Week 6 Preview: Survive and Advance

It is safe to say that this season of Slushie Sundays Fantasy Football league is shaping up to be the best one yet. Every team has shown throughout the season that they are primed to make a deep playoff run, regardless of record. Now that the final undefeated team is now...defeated (SHIT), we can now start to take a legitimate look at the playoff picture, starting with the last four out. Consider this to be the last week of the NCAA basketball season. The last four teams out could drastically change in a matter of days by simply kicking off the second-third of the season with a big win. 

Currently, spots 1 to 11 are separated by TWO WINS. Insane. Which even leaves a glimmer of hope for rookie Chris Casey to guide the Schmeckles into the 8th seed. It would be unprecedented, but it is more than possible. All it takes is one win to turn a season around. If you're keeping track at home, the Schmeckles take on the upstart Taco Corp in search of their first win in 6 tries.

As for the rest of the league, one week could shake up the entire playoff picture. Several burning questions will be answered. Can Joe bounce back after three straight off weeks to beat Nick? Can Vinnie overcome injuries and byes or will Dom put the pressure on Josh in the division? Will Josh keep his torrid start going with a win over Chreeyusz? All the reverse jinxes in the world couldn't stop some of these teams, hope they can keep it up.

Pointing to another championship for Josh? Or pointing at Nick, Vinnie and Brian in his rearview?

The Heismanbergs (2-3) vs. Vinegar Strokes (3-2)

Two weeks ago, it had appeared the time was running out on the Hesimanbergs. Now, he's one win against the Vinegar Strokes from climbing back to .500 and becoming a legitimate contender. Can Ben ride the Broncos all the way to victory or will his beloved Jets shut down the high powered offense? With Vinegar Strokes without their stud running back Jamaal Charles yet again, Brian will need to rely on his Falcons trio for another week to keep pace with Nick in the division. Last time I watched a Bears-Falcons game, Matt Ryan put on a game-clock management clinic. Whoever wins this game will be putting up a boatload of points since each team has very favorable matchups.

The Nard Dawgs (2-3) vs. The DrewBree Brothers (2-3)

A pair of teams simply heading in the wrong direction. Fresh off a nail-biter against Vinegar Strokes, the Nard Dawgs look to rip off a few more wins to solidify themselves as a playoff squad. Gio Bernard has carried Will so far and will need to do it once again against the DrewBree Brothers, hungry for a win to end their losing streak. Interesting enough, both QBs play against one another on Monday night which will most likely decide the matchup. The Brothers will be missing Drew Brees and have called upon young Austin Davis to answer the bell. Davis has looked impressive so far in the first few starts and a clutch performance in primetime is just what Aaron and Drew need.

Chicken Parm U Taste So Good (2-3) vs. Shooter McGavin (4-1)

Friendly rivalry with a lot of implications. Joe's team has underperformed mightily these past few weeks and some are wondering if his team will be a force come playoff time. I believe will bounce back in full force, personally. Will it be this week? Maybe. But that week will come in the passing weeks that gets him clicking on a cylinders with his high powered lineup. AJ Green's injury may be the difference this week however. As for the defending champ, Shooter McGavin has a shot to redeem himself against a very tough opponent. Andrew Luck and Andre Johnson play tonight against Joe's DeAndre Hopkins and Arian Foster so we should have a pretty good indication of how this should turn out by midnight. Keep note of Nick increasing his impressive streak of scoring over 100 points in a week to 11 straight games dating back to last season. However, 5-1 start would sound a lot better.

Schenectady Schmeckles (0-5) vs. Taco Corp (2-3)

Poor Schmeckles. 0-5 in your first year after building a strong team out of the ashes of Drew's dumpster fire. Philip Rivers, Emmanuel Sanders and Antonio Gates have scored a lot of points but has zero luck. Maybe this is the time The Fighting Hebrews pull one out. Fresh off of Yom Kippur, they take on Taco Corp to attempt to climb out of the cellar. Taco Corp, coming off a clutch primetime performance from Danger-Russ Wilson, will look to get back to .500 and back into the division race. Chris is hoping Branden Oliver can replicate last week's breakout game against that "vaunted" Raiders run defense. Dave will lean on the Hawks mafia once again against Dallas to get him another win.

Team Next Year (3-2) vs. Slob On My Cobb (4-1)

Two of the hottest teams in the league square off this weekend as they attempt to seal a spot in the playoffs come December. Slob On My Cobb may or not be the best squad in the league at this point due to stellar play from Julius Thomas, DeMarco Murray and Dez Bryant. Can DeMarco keep this record breaking pace continue against Chreeyusz? For Chreeyusz, it's a sense of redemption after losing AP about a month ago. Basically giving up on the season, he has rifled off three straight W's to put himself right in the thick of things in the division race. His lineup might not blow people away, but he has a core of consistent players that can compete week in and week out. If Chris wants to pull off this upset, Jay Cutler and Alshon Jeffrey will need to have a repeat of last week to counterbalance Josh's Cowboys.

Kissing Suzy Kolber (3-2) vs. Team SSPD (3-2)

The two teams involved in a blockbuster trade weeks ago will square off this week to see who got the better end of the deal. Unfortunately, Jimmy Graham's on a bye and Megatron's nursing a mild ankle sprain. Vinnie will desperately need to adjust and hope that his bench can piece together a lineup good enough to win. Dom was one huge Russell Wilson performance away from being 4-1 and remaining tied for the division lead. Still, at 3-2, he's proving his doubters wrong and his team is becoming a solid unit. Kissing Suzy Kolber's health is a major issue and Dom is looking to exploit it this weekend. The primetime games will once again be a key factor in deciding this matchup. The winner moves to 4-2 and will continue to build towards their first playoff appearance.

Week 5 Recap: DE-THRONED

Largest Margin of Victory: The Heismanbergs over The DrewBree Brothers - 42.9
Most Points Scored: Kissing Suzy Kolber - 148  
Least Points Scored: The DrewBree Brothers - 82
Unsung Hero of the Week: Russell Wilson - 38.7 Points
Biggest Fantasy Duds: LeSean McCoy, Pierre Garcon
Best Waiver Pickup: Packers D (Slob On My Cobb) - 22 Points

For the fourth straight year in the Slushie Sundays league, there will not be an undefeated team. With a loss last night, Shooter McGavin, your defending champ once again fell to his baby brother Chreeyusz for the 4th straight time in their rivalry. In his first year (2012), Chreeyusz blew his brother out of the playoffs in the first round, which would go on to be the most lopsided playoff victory in league history. He has never lost to Dom or Nick and continues to reign over the Caputo household. Of course, none of this can be completely vilified until he wins my newest nightstand companion (the trophy, of course) but for now, Nick's undefeated hopes have been dashed by a 9th grader. Just how I drew it up.

Coming down to the wire, Nick put up 115 points but did not have enough to keep his streak going. An earlier trade with Chreeyusz on Wednesday was ultimately the difference as new additions Golden Tate and Terrance Williams shined in their debuts for Team Next Year. Since Shooter loses, Slob On My Cobb has cemented themselves atop the power rankings for yet another week with an impressive victory over main rival, Joe. 

The rest of the pack began to tighten up and teams are starting to make their collective pushes towards the playoffs. Injuries have been piling up with each passing week and it is crucial to remain active in trades and on the waiver wire. For the bottom four teams, (Chris, Will, Aaron, Dave) there is still alot of time left and the 2-3 record is shared by 5 different teams in the league. 

The AFC beat eachother up in division play and now first and last place has separated themselves by two measly wins. Four teams are in a tie for third and aren't even playing their best at the moment. I expect it to be a real dogfight to the finish that even Michael Vick couldn't resist getting in on the action.