Week 7 Recap: "Choke on that Baybayyy!"

Largest Margin of Victory: TEAM I QUIT! over Team Next Year - 51.7

Most Points Scored: Slob On My Cobb - 136.2  
Least Points Scored: Team Next Year - 69.3

Unsung Hero of the Week: Russell Wilson - 41.1 Points
Biggest Fantasy Duds: Larry Fitzgerald, Julio Jones, Gio Bernard
Best Waiver Pickup: Carson Palmer (TEAM SSPD) - 20.1 Points

Another majestic weekend for Shooter. Started by making a few trades and ended with his league-high 6th win of the season. A balanced performance, he was aided by new addition Emmanuel Sanders and his keepers Andre Ellington and Andrew Luck. Scoring over 100 points yet again, Nick is poised to grab the number one seed and continue his title defense in December. I mean, Shooter's allowed the second-least points this year but he's also the second-highest scoring squad behind Josh. Call it luck or whatever, but he's consistently putting up points and he wants that GOLD JACKET. Holding a two-game divisional lead, each passing week will shorten his magic number. Maybe it's time to start resting his star players? Andrew Luck has a bye in week 10 but maybe this guy can replace him as QB...

As for his opponent, Taco Corp is on the verge of filing for bankruptcy as Dave's losing streak continues. He's getting everything he can from Russell Wilson but the rest of his team needs to pick up the slack if he's going to make it to the postseason. Maybe new additions Darren McFadden and Pierre Garcon can provide a shot of life into his squad. 

Speaking of sputtering teams, Ebola Kills has found a losing streak, plaguing Brian's entire lineup in the process. As the Falcons continue to struggle, Brian's chances of making another title game appearance seem to be going out the window. He'll be quarantined to the Toilet Bowl if he isn't careful. A rough last-minute to Antonio Brown and The DrewBree Brothers hurts but on the other side of the coin, the Pommer-Fahrenz duo dialed up a win when it was most-needed to keep their playoff hopes alive. Currently in 10th place, the Brothers relied on Brown and Brees once again. A brilliant flex play of Chris Ivory proved to be the difference as it provided solace to the Jets' crushing loss on Thursday. They'll begin to truly reap the benefits of the Eddie Lacy trade in the upcoming weeks as they make their playoff push.

Speaking of teams needing a win, how about the performance from Team I Quit!? If there was ever a team that needed a victory it was Joe's. In fear of falling even further behind the 8-ball, Joe dialed up a huge performance led by his stud running backs, LeVeon Bell and Arian Foster. He didn't need much to roll over Chreeyusz in the biggest blowout of the week but it was a relief to see Joe's team at full strength once again. 6 weeks to go and he's clinging to the 8 seed in need of a winning to secure a 4th straight season in the playoffs. Also, if anyone needs a must win, start by saying you're giving up on this season. All three teams that have said they've given up are 3-0 the next week and 7-4 since that point (Dave, Joe & Chreeyusz). Now to Chreeyusz, who finally saw his streak come to an end after 4 straight impressive wins. When Team Next Year loses, they lose ugly, scoring under 70 points for the 3rd time this season. Thanks to the great recovery, TNY is right in the thick of the playoff race and can seal up a spot with a few more wins the rest of the way.

For the self-dubbed matchup of the week, it was over rather quickly without the night games having any real impact. Both teams aren't shy about putting up points and if we're being honest, they have the most talent in the league. Of course, I'm talking about Slob On My Cobb and Kissing Suzy Kolber. Jockeying for the 2nd position while Shooter builds another winning streak, either of these two teams could be holding the trophy when it's all said and done. Once again leaning on his Cowboys, Josh was able to secure his 5th win of the season. As long as Murray and Dez keep it up, Josh appears  to be the team to beat in this entire league (totally not a reverse jinx or any black magic). Hope you had a great birthday weekend Josh, and hope you wished for the Cowboys to avoid their annual collapse in the later stages of the season. As for Vinnie, injuries to Jimmy Graham and Megatron could severely cripple a team but he was still able to muster 100 points. A true testament to the team's depth and the pure dominance of Aaron Rodgers and Matt Forte. Here's to hoping that these two meet in the playoffs so I won't have to face both of them ;) ...In addition, these two will square off one more time before the season closes with serious seeding implications to likely be at stake.

If you had to make a documentary on the trials and tribulations of Dom's season, a great title would have to be "Suck It, Rest of the League" or this fitting Will Ferrell quote. After having the worst first round bust of the season besides Adrian Peterson (Zac Stacy) and leaving the draft 4 rounds early, we thought it'd be another rough season for Team SSPD. Once Ray Rice was not coming back, his running backs started to look like a revolving door of manure. Then, Fred Jackson emerged, followed by Ahmad Bradshaw and eventually, they both became Top-10 backs. Sticking with his Colts roots, he latched onto to Reggie Wayne to lead his receivers while dealing away Jimmy Graham for Delanie Walker and others. He's by far scored the least amount of points but he continues to win. Poised to make his first playoff appearance, he will need his entire team to get healthy as it seems like every week he loses someone to an injury, (RG3, Ryan Mathews, Reggie Wayne, Fred Jackson). He pulled off another win this weekend in a low scoring bout with Will and has positioned himself to the 6th spot in the playoff bracket. Interesting enough, only 3 of Dom's current players were people he actually drafted. Who says turnover is a bad thing? Willy G, made a return to the 518 this weekend (Congrats Sheryl!) but it quickly turned into a disaster once he saw Gio Bernard play. His main horse was stifled by the Colts as The Dawgs went on to score a lowly 69 points this weekend. Thankfully, he edged out Chreeyusz by 0.5 points to avoid the Trojan ENZ "Boner of the Week" Award for lowest fantasy score. Now sitting under .500 once again, KAPERNACK and the boys will look to gain momentum for a playoff run and it can all start with a winning streak. Didn't think I'd be writing this much about this matchup but it happened.

For our final game of the weekend, we head to Jerusalem for the Schenectady Schmeckles weekly update. It would appear the Schmeckles are as impervious to winning as they are to leaving an 18% tip, as they lost once again to the Heismanbergs in a blowout. Chris was missing a few of his players from last Thursday's Eddiec Lacy trade. Lacy played well, but it was not enough to stop the juggernaut that is, the Cookie Man. The majority of his team played like hot vomit but when you possess Peyton Manning and Demaryius Thomas, it's pretty easy to win ballgames when they're combining for 70 points. Both teams to tighten up some loose ends on their roster if they want any shot at postseason success. Chris has his work cut out for him, 3 games out of a playoff spot with 6 weeks isn't an impossible task, especially with the entire league beating up on eachother. Next week against the DrewBree Brothers is basically a must win. If you truly want to know who won the Eddie Lacy trade, the winner of that matchup should make it clear. As for Cookies, The Bergs are the hottest team in the league riding a four-game winning streak on the broad shoulders and massive forehead of Peyton Manning. His team's turnaround is very impressive but can this success be replicated in the upcoming weeks?

Welp, that's it. I like writing the recaps this way so I'm just going to keep doing what I please because I'm an strong, independent, male who won't let society mold him. But seriously, hope you liked the recaps, I'm doing the best to make it more comical but you can only to so much when talking about fantasy sports.