The Dozen - Slushie Sundays Week 2 Recap

We have pivoted at the office of the Slushie Sundays official league blog. After serious consideration and courting public opinion (one text to Ben this weekend), I have decided to switch things up a little to avoid being stale. Millennials these days are too preoccupied by their gadgets and Instagram stories to get the ink underneath their fingers and read an online article that doesn't have video content. Then I remembered how my face looks on a front-facing camera and thought otherwise.

So instead, I spared you all the displeasure of me creating digital content and strive to shuffle my method of writing. Many people (a few people kindly posting feedback) have been saying they love the rants and since they're much easier to conjure up, they will remain and serve as the backbone of these write-ups. I can honestly write for hours about random stuff and existential crisis caused by fantasy football, it's the boring, repetitive recaps that make me want to chop my fingers off.

To that, I prevent to you "The Dozen", a weekly roundup of each team based on the current standings each week. I'll leave the hot takes and debates to the video content professionals, Brian, Joe and Aaron. Assuming they'll begin to post power rankings, it would be foolish to post my own, instead I will assess, compliment, hate on and subtly jab at each roster from my keyboard and if anything sounds controversial, I'll be covered by the insanity and smack talk thrown at us by each video series. Each team will receive a "Good" and "Bad" analysis, since no team is perfect, even Dave's (yet). Dynamics of team's change so often and it will be interesting to track how the landscape of each roster changes with the passing weeks.

So just to reiterate, these are NOT power rankings. Straight facts homie. The picture of the standings below each week will determine the order of The Dozen. Unsatisfied with your position? Win more games, it's as simple as that. This format may change over the season but I figured a change of pace would do the blog some good.
Anyways, back to the week that was. As we expected from day one, Aaron and Dave are the remaining undefeated teams. Of course, they're the only teams with names that pose a question in them and they're reaping the benefits. Perhaps this is the newest trend in the league? I'm a firm believer in team names creating positive vibes for a roster and a new name serves as a sort-of rebirth. That being said, Aaron kept his name from last season and look where he is now. His team may not have set the world on fire either week, but it was good enough to start 2-0. In addition, allowing only 69.5 points (nice) per contest is extremely helpful. His team is currently on pace to rival the 1985 Bears or 2000 Ravens if they can keep up this type of defense.

Speaking of defense, an uncharacteristically low scoring couple of weeks for the entire league. I haven't seen this lack of scoring since freshman year. Only four teams again put up over 100 points this week, with Dom's massive 146 point day being a massive outlier (in addition to $15 extra bucks). Some early title contenders have struggled out of the gate. 3 of the 4 semi-finalists from last season currently sit in the bottom tier but there's nothing to get concerned with. The first few weeks of the season are our league's preseason. We have to adjust for injuries, depth chart shuffling and poor play from draft picks. A winning record after the first third of the season however does go a long way. However, a few more losses and the trades will begin to roll in. Joe has yet to make any moves yet which is very uncharacteristic. But if you're 0-3 after this week, I would expect to see some fireworks on the league transactions page. Brace yourself, the vetoes are coming.

1. Are Bonita Fish Big? (2-0) 

Week 2 Result: Defeated Big Baby Boi - 104.6 to 90.1
The Good: Don't want to boast too much but my favorite fantasy team is back at it again. With an impressive win over Joe this weekend, Dave finds himself at the top of the table (first place for all you soccer novices) and is doing it in the classiest way possible. This team looks really good thus far. Dave's success in recent years solely hinges on DeAndre Hopkins. When he won it all back in 2015, Hopkins was out of this world. Last year, even with strong numbers for most receivers, his inconsistency really hurt Dave towards the end of the season. Deshaun Watson's performance on Thursday should make him very confident, as the rookie QB force fed the ball to Nuk. This strategy paid dividends in his title run and a Hopkins bounce back season paired with the lethal trio of Carlos Hyde, TG30 and Devonta could put Dave in prime position to get the trophy back.

The Bad: The weekend unfortunately didn't completely come up roses for Mr. T. Another franchise cornerstone, Greg Olsen broke his foot and is out for a majority of the year. He should be back come playoff time and Coby Fleener steps in as TE1 after a hot start to the season. If he can keep his play consistent, it will be a tough team to beat. Stay tuned for the fate of Younghoe Koo as Dave takes on Aaron in a battle of the unbeatens this weekend.

2. Why You Pee On My Car? (2-0) 
Week 2 Result: Defeated Let's Play a Game - 97.2 to 90.5
The Good: 2-0 after not breaking 100 points in either matchup certainly makes any owner happy. Especially when it's against two playoff teams from last season. Antonio Brown had an off game and Aaron was still able to topple Brian in an epic upset to back up the shit talking from his video. Although his production heavily varied based on usage throughout last season, Derrick Henry was the unsung hero Sunday and will be leaned upon for any semblance of a fantasy backfield. Not to be outdone, the ageless wonder Jason Witten has thoroughly outperformed former tight-end Jimmy Graham who was not retained. With Dak Prescott struggling, he'll be utilizing Witten even more as a safety blanket. As Dave deals with a huge blow losing Greg Olsen, Aaron the ultimate opportunist thus far, can strike again and get to 3-0. Thankfully, his Steeler tandem faces the lowly Bears.

The Bad: As I mentioned earlier teams are not really scoring against Aaron. Unfortunately for him, this will probably change. The running backs certainly need some work. The roster currently has 5 backups and aside from Derrick Henry, barring a Demarco Murray injury, none of them appear poised to start at all. Waivers can change this around, as well as a trade but if the system can get you by right now, no need to panic right away. Brandon Marshall and the Giants for that matter have looked terrible to start the year. Aaron's hand was forced when keeping him but the extremely slow start has to be concerning. We'll see if he bounces back this week against Philly.

3. Sergio Dipp (1-1) 
Week 2 Result: Defeated Famous Jameis - 146 to 87.6
The Good: This is the fantasy team Dom envisioned after the draft, apologies to all the haters, of which there are many. A potent attack when his lineup is properly set, Dom has shown he can run with nearly any team in the league, posting the highest points in the young season. Melvin Gordon looks like a bonafide stud while Drew Brees was caught playing from behind yet again. His fantastic depth should serve him wonders with injuries running rampant through the NFL. In addition to trade assets to potentially upgrade at certain positions. Depth is such an underrated in this "sport" and you can truly never have enough of it. We'll see it put to the test yet again this weekend as Drew Brees faces a tough matchup while Dom takes on his baby brother, who's always a difficult matchup. For now, Dom's once again having, the time, of HIS LIFE.

The Bad: The second running back slot has yet to develop as he would've hoped. Granted McCaffrey's very early in his career but at the pick he was taken at, Dom would expect more output. Mike Gillislee posted another strong game but the depth at the RB position could be tested moving forward. As for now, McCaffrey faces a weak Saints run defense to hopefully get him on track. Gronk's injury is also something to monitor, but thankfully, Dom snagged Delanie Walker as insurance.

4. Death Row Records (1-1) 
Week 2 Result: Defeated Team New Year - 96.7 to 91.8
The Good: The immediate injury to Jordy Nelson almost sank their matchup but the squad battled and clawed it's way to a win. Points have not been the problem for Nick, it's health. However, the depth has served him well after a strong draft. Emmanuel Sanders was gobbled up in the 5th round and has exceeded early expectations. Once TY Hilton gets a competent QB (Andrew Luck this century, hopefully), the trio of Nelson, Sanders and Hilton can matchup with anyone. Matt Stafford was great again and can hold down the fort for Luck. Not to mention back to back defenses streamed from waivers that put up over 20 points. A nice luxury but certainly something that won't last all year. Doug Martin also returns soon to replace Bilal Powell and Chris Thompson has some steamy flex appeal.

The Bad: Jordy Nelson's quad. Yes, there are other problems with this team but this takes the cake. Last year, he was statistically the #1 receiver in the league and a loss of any sort of time would cripple Nick's squad. The WR insurance, Allen Robinson is already gone with an ACL tear and a long injury by Jordy not only takes a roster spot away but puts pressure on the running backs who have not looked great so far. This week he'll certainly be needed facing Josh and moving forward with a wicked stretch that includes Brian, Joe, Dave and Dom. Prayers up indeed.

5. Famous Jameis (1-1) 
Week 2 Result: Lost to Sergio Dipp - 146 to 87.6
The Good: Kareem "MF" Hunt. What a debut from the Toledo Rocket. Very appealing to our Ohio Native I'm sure. A historic start to his career and a true diamond in the rough for El Hombre de Cookies. Not to be outdone, Buck Allen now moves into the fold as a starting RB on a team that was well endowed already. Carson Wentz put up huge numbers again this week and although Jameis is the inspiration for the team name, could there be a QB controversy on our hands? Certainly not the worst problem to have. Both players project to be Top-10 quarterbacks this year and could be an interesting trade chip if an injury pops up for someone else. Regardless, Ben can play the matchups, like I assume he will this week and roll with the safe play. He'll certainly need it this week against a very hungry Big Baby Boi desperately looking for his first win.

The Bad: Wide receiver depth appears to be the only current issue aside from a banged up Tyler Eifert.  Only four are on the current roster (pending waivers, of course) and Kenny Golladay and Sammy Watkins have a boom or bust tag planted on them currently. Martavis Bryant will require some consistency to help Ben compete moving forward. With a strong Week 2, it's a step in the right direction.

6. Team New Year (1-1) 
Week 2 Result: Lost to Death Row Records - 96.7 to 91.8
The Good: So close to reaping the benefits of a Jordy injury. Not saying that's necessarily good but he certainly wouldn't have minded at 2-0 start. Jarvis Landry appeared to be a questionable keeper with experts trending downward but he responded quite nicely with a 13 catch performance against San Diego. Jay Cutler's tendency for intermediate throws benefits Landry and a year similar to 2015 does not seem as farfetched after one week. Amari Cooper and Stefon Diggs create a formidable trio although they underperformed this weekend in a loss. Travis Kelce's production can offset Diggs assuming Sam Bradford remains on the sidelines. Dak had a rare poor performance and still put up 20 points. He'll be primed for a bounceback against a Cardinals secondary who was carved up by Stafford. Chris would love nothing more than to upset Dom during the Monday Night game to get back to 2-1.

The Bad: DeMarco Murray's injury/early struggles. Another contributing factor to the loss was the poor performance of Murray. Facing two straight below average run defenses, he wasn't able to muster 70 total rushing yards. Not to mention, a hamstring injury gave way to Derrick Henry's strong performance. Facing Seattle this week, Chris shouldn't expect much from DeMarco and while Marshawn Lynch has looked strong, he might not be able to handle the load of a RB1 just yet.

7. Let's Play A Game (1-1) 
Week 2 Result: Lost to Why You Pee On My Car? - 97.2 to 90.5
The Good: Unsure what to expect after a tough 2016 season, Brian took a chance on CJ Anderson and he's only outperformed LeSean McCoy so far. This could be a crucial pick for Let's Play a Game, already featuring Shady and Dalvin Cook in his backfield. Adam Thielen struggled without Sam Bradford but his high volume of targets should remain all season, with the case being the same for Dez Bryant. This isn't even mentioning Matt Ryan and Julio Jones. Although neither turned in a massive performance just yet, they've still produced and create a strong foundation for the team moving forward. Expect a shootout against Detroit this week, which should help Brian in picking up another win against Vinnie.

The Bad: Although I just raved about his running backs, he does only have 4 on the roster. Really the only problem with the team currently. We've seen some brutal injuries and shuffling already but nothing a little insurance can't provide. Aside from that, nothing else is glaring aside from his three running backs each facing a Top-10 run defense. Matt Ryan and receivers will be heavily leaned upon this weekend.

8. Dewsy McDukeSters (1-1) 
Week 2 Result: Defeated Mommy's Little Kerwynn - 107.4 to 78.6
The Good: This team has plenty of talent but an early injury to Danny Woodhead set Will back. However, a great draft has allowed for his position to be adequately filled for the time being. The receivers are struggling but the potential remains for massive seasons from the Top 3, and I haven't even got to Cooper Kupp. Keenan Allen was certainly a gamble given his slew of injuries but Will took this risk and has to love what he sees already. 14 catches and a touchdown and that included a matchup in Denver. There's also great receiver depth on the bench and Will could easily flip these assets for a much needed running back. As you'll see in the next paragraph, there are a few factors limiting Will's team from reaching full potential. Hopefully a matchup with the Schmeckles can straighten some things out.

The Bad: Russell Wilson and Andy Dalton. Wilson continues to be the most frustrating fantasy QB to watch as he barely scraped out a respectable game against San Fran. Not to mention Doug Baldwin not scoring in either game. The tandem has potential but it's failed thus far. As for Andy Dalton, thankfully Will doesn't have him, but the Bengals do and he's impeding AJ Green's chances to dominate. Will could very well have the best set of receivers but their QB's just don't do them many favors. At least Philthy Philip Rivers can get the ball to Allen. For now. Also cause for major concern is the RB2 spot and overall running back depth. A stealthy addition of Chris Carson could be huge but he's very unproven and can you really put that much stake in the Seahawks offense? In this economy? Jacquizz Rodgers is the de-facto #2 until the Browns unleash Duke Johnson with a few more touches. Sorry this paragraph ran so long Whitt, it's not indicative of your squad it's just the red flags keep popping up.

9. Mommy's Little Kerwynn (1-1) 
Week 2 Result: Lost to Dewsy McDukeSters  - 107.4 to 78.6
The Good: Derek Carr was flawless once again but you didn't even need to watch the game to know that. Josh held out and knew exactly who he wanted to lead his offense and the DC4 pick looks great. It's a QB-driven league and Carr has potential to remain a Top-5 quarterback the entire season. He has another favorable matchup on Sunday night against the R-words and can make Nick's rooting experience slightly conflicted if Carr balls out in primetime. Let's keep the ball on the ground this week, please. Aside from Carr, the team still has plenty of talent so no need to panic just yet. Tarik Cohen appears to be a focal point in the Bears' offense while Allen Hurns could prove to be a major pickup. Also who expected Jeremy Maclin to tie his TD total from last season in just two games?

The Bad: An extremely rare, poor performance from Zeke Elliott. Maybe not a sign for concern but with OBJ banged up and David Johnson broken, Zeke's main job is to obliterate run defenses and carry this team. Granted, it was the Broncos defense but if the trend continues next Monday night against a stingy Cardinals defense, other players will certainly need to step up to fill the massive void left by Johnson. Corey Coleman also broke his hand once again, who looked prime for a breakout season. The year hasn't been kind to our reigning champ and it's only Week 3.

10. Kissing Suzy Kolber (1-1) 
Week 2 Result: Defeated Schenectady Schmeckles - 108.6 to 86.5
The Good: He doubled last week's point total. Having Tom Brady really does change everything. After a horrendous start to the season, KSK bounced back with a much needed win over Chris. Brandin Cooks underperformed against his former team but Michael Crabtree certainly made up for that. Crab caught not 1, not 2, but 3 scores against the depleted Jets secondary and was the deciding factor in Vin's week two win. Jamison Crowder has yet to perform up to expectations but with Kenny Britt, Chris Hogan and Willie Snead waiting on the bench, KSK should be able to offset poor RB production with 3 wide receivers each week. Facing some horrible player matchups, he'll need his trio of Patriots to carry him against Brian, who would like some revenge against anything affiliated with New England.

The Bad: Running backs. This will be a recurring theme all season. One of the few starters Vin has, Rob Kelley nearly broke his rib and may be in danger of missing this week's game. In addition, Paul Perkins, Charles Sims and Theo Riddick brought little to the table once again. Someone desperately needs to step up if this team wants to go anywhere. We'll certainly monitor this situation moving forward, especially if Kelley's health deteriorates.

11. Big Baby Boi (0-2) 
Week 2 Result: Lost to Are Bonita Fish Big? - 104.6 to 90.1
The Good: His team. It's still really good and it's currently underperforming like many teams in the early stretch of the season. LeVeon hasn't been great early and two typical performances from him could have Joe at 2-0. Ty Montgomery has been fantastic but unfortunately he's now lost his "WR" eligibility which would've really helped Joe. Regardless, the tandem of Bell and Montgomery could be the best in the league at this stage. Mariota will have his big games and Mike Evans will continue to be a freak of nature. He's projected to win against Ben this weekend in a game he desperately needs.

The Bad: Jordan Howard and his subsequent injury. Seen in a sling after Sunday's game there's certainly some cause for concern with a lack of flex options. Jimmy Graham has been horrific after so much hype to begin the season after a strong finish to 2016. OJ Howard might need to bail Joe out or the tight-end position becomes a black-hole. Finally, the 3rd wide receiver has yet to materialize, which is crucial if Howard can't go this week or even worse, multiple weeks. Zay Jones, Corey Davis and Rishard Matthews don't really jump off the page. Sorry Big Baby.

12. Schenectady Schmeckles (0-2) 
Week 2 Result: Lost to Kissing Suzy Kolber - 108.6 to 86.5
The Good: Aaron Rodgers. If you haven't heard, he's very good. Granted he didn't look great against Atlanta but Chris really isn't interested in that. Another 20+ point game and he's got an extremely favorable schedule coming up. Any success for Chris will hinge on his right arm. Aaron Rodgers' arm I mean...Zach Ertz has been another bright spot and if Larry Fitz and Terrelle Pryor can stop sleepwalking, the Schmeckles could win some games with a strong foundation. We'll see if he can avoid 0-3 against Will this weekend. Many people are saying this is a must-win game and I would have to agree.

The Bad: It goes without saying, but the free agency budget. A simple accounting areas cost him his entire nut on the Raiders defense. I'm personally flattered he has that much confidence but I'm also pretty confident this error won't have a strong return on investment. Also, the running back play is going to be a problem and the lack of funds really puts him behind the 8-ball. Frank Gore and Matt Forte have started well but they're about to turn into dust soon enough. A fountain of youth could be Chris' only hope of making the postseason.