Week 7 Recap: "Choke on that Baybayyy!"

Largest Margin of Victory: TEAM I QUIT! over Team Next Year - 51.7

Most Points Scored: Slob On My Cobb - 136.2  
Least Points Scored: Team Next Year - 69.3

Unsung Hero of the Week: Russell Wilson - 41.1 Points
Biggest Fantasy Duds: Larry Fitzgerald, Julio Jones, Gio Bernard
Best Waiver Pickup: Carson Palmer (TEAM SSPD) - 20.1 Points

Another majestic weekend for Shooter. Started by making a few trades and ended with his league-high 6th win of the season. A balanced performance, he was aided by new addition Emmanuel Sanders and his keepers Andre Ellington and Andrew Luck. Scoring over 100 points yet again, Nick is poised to grab the number one seed and continue his title defense in December. I mean, Shooter's allowed the second-least points this year but he's also the second-highest scoring squad behind Josh. Call it luck or whatever, but he's consistently putting up points and he wants that GOLD JACKET. Holding a two-game divisional lead, each passing week will shorten his magic number. Maybe it's time to start resting his star players? Andrew Luck has a bye in week 10 but maybe this guy can replace him as QB...

As for his opponent, Taco Corp is on the verge of filing for bankruptcy as Dave's losing streak continues. He's getting everything he can from Russell Wilson but the rest of his team needs to pick up the slack if he's going to make it to the postseason. Maybe new additions Darren McFadden and Pierre Garcon can provide a shot of life into his squad. 

Speaking of sputtering teams, Ebola Kills has found a losing streak, plaguing Brian's entire lineup in the process. As the Falcons continue to struggle, Brian's chances of making another title game appearance seem to be going out the window. He'll be quarantined to the Toilet Bowl if he isn't careful. A rough last-minute to Antonio Brown and The DrewBree Brothers hurts but on the other side of the coin, the Pommer-Fahrenz duo dialed up a win when it was most-needed to keep their playoff hopes alive. Currently in 10th place, the Brothers relied on Brown and Brees once again. A brilliant flex play of Chris Ivory proved to be the difference as it provided solace to the Jets' crushing loss on Thursday. They'll begin to truly reap the benefits of the Eddie Lacy trade in the upcoming weeks as they make their playoff push.

Speaking of teams needing a win, how about the performance from Team I Quit!? If there was ever a team that needed a victory it was Joe's. In fear of falling even further behind the 8-ball, Joe dialed up a huge performance led by his stud running backs, LeVeon Bell and Arian Foster. He didn't need much to roll over Chreeyusz in the biggest blowout of the week but it was a relief to see Joe's team at full strength once again. 6 weeks to go and he's clinging to the 8 seed in need of a winning to secure a 4th straight season in the playoffs. Also, if anyone needs a must win, start by saying you're giving up on this season. All three teams that have said they've given up are 3-0 the next week and 7-4 since that point (Dave, Joe & Chreeyusz). Now to Chreeyusz, who finally saw his streak come to an end after 4 straight impressive wins. When Team Next Year loses, they lose ugly, scoring under 70 points for the 3rd time this season. Thanks to the great recovery, TNY is right in the thick of the playoff race and can seal up a spot with a few more wins the rest of the way.

For the self-dubbed matchup of the week, it was over rather quickly without the night games having any real impact. Both teams aren't shy about putting up points and if we're being honest, they have the most talent in the league. Of course, I'm talking about Slob On My Cobb and Kissing Suzy Kolber. Jockeying for the 2nd position while Shooter builds another winning streak, either of these two teams could be holding the trophy when it's all said and done. Once again leaning on his Cowboys, Josh was able to secure his 5th win of the season. As long as Murray and Dez keep it up, Josh appears  to be the team to beat in this entire league (totally not a reverse jinx or any black magic). Hope you had a great birthday weekend Josh, and hope you wished for the Cowboys to avoid their annual collapse in the later stages of the season. As for Vinnie, injuries to Jimmy Graham and Megatron could severely cripple a team but he was still able to muster 100 points. A true testament to the team's depth and the pure dominance of Aaron Rodgers and Matt Forte. Here's to hoping that these two meet in the playoffs so I won't have to face both of them ;) ...In addition, these two will square off one more time before the season closes with serious seeding implications to likely be at stake.

If you had to make a documentary on the trials and tribulations of Dom's season, a great title would have to be "Suck It, Rest of the League" or this fitting Will Ferrell quote. After having the worst first round bust of the season besides Adrian Peterson (Zac Stacy) and leaving the draft 4 rounds early, we thought it'd be another rough season for Team SSPD. Once Ray Rice was not coming back, his running backs started to look like a revolving door of manure. Then, Fred Jackson emerged, followed by Ahmad Bradshaw and eventually, they both became Top-10 backs. Sticking with his Colts roots, he latched onto to Reggie Wayne to lead his receivers while dealing away Jimmy Graham for Delanie Walker and others. He's by far scored the least amount of points but he continues to win. Poised to make his first playoff appearance, he will need his entire team to get healthy as it seems like every week he loses someone to an injury, (RG3, Ryan Mathews, Reggie Wayne, Fred Jackson). He pulled off another win this weekend in a low scoring bout with Will and has positioned himself to the 6th spot in the playoff bracket. Interesting enough, only 3 of Dom's current players were people he actually drafted. Who says turnover is a bad thing? Willy G, made a return to the 518 this weekend (Congrats Sheryl!) but it quickly turned into a disaster once he saw Gio Bernard play. His main horse was stifled by the Colts as The Dawgs went on to score a lowly 69 points this weekend. Thankfully, he edged out Chreeyusz by 0.5 points to avoid the Trojan ENZ "Boner of the Week" Award for lowest fantasy score. Now sitting under .500 once again, KAPERNACK and the boys will look to gain momentum for a playoff run and it can all start with a winning streak. Didn't think I'd be writing this much about this matchup but it happened.

For our final game of the weekend, we head to Jerusalem for the Schenectady Schmeckles weekly update. It would appear the Schmeckles are as impervious to winning as they are to leaving an 18% tip, as they lost once again to the Heismanbergs in a blowout. Chris was missing a few of his players from last Thursday's Eddiec Lacy trade. Lacy played well, but it was not enough to stop the juggernaut that is, the Cookie Man. The majority of his team played like hot vomit but when you possess Peyton Manning and Demaryius Thomas, it's pretty easy to win ballgames when they're combining for 70 points. Both teams to tighten up some loose ends on their roster if they want any shot at postseason success. Chris has his work cut out for him, 3 games out of a playoff spot with 6 weeks isn't an impossible task, especially with the entire league beating up on eachother. Next week against the DrewBree Brothers is basically a must win. If you truly want to know who won the Eddie Lacy trade, the winner of that matchup should make it clear. As for Cookies, The Bergs are the hottest team in the league riding a four-game winning streak on the broad shoulders and massive forehead of Peyton Manning. His team's turnaround is very impressive but can this success be replicated in the upcoming weeks?

Welp, that's it. I like writing the recaps this way so I'm just going to keep doing what I please because I'm an strong, independent, male who won't let society mold him. But seriously, hope you liked the recaps, I'm doing the best to make it more comical but you can only to so much when talking about fantasy sports.

Week 6 Recap & Week 7 Preview: The Plot Thickens

Largest Margin of Victory: The Nard Dawgs over The DrewBree Brothers - 116.9

Most Points Scored: The Nard Dawgs - 175 

Least Points Scored: The DrewBree Brothers - 58.1

Unsung Hero of the Week: Colin Kaepernick - 35.4 Points

Biggest Fantasy Duds: Matthew Stafford, Doug Martin

Best Waiver Pickup: Branden Oliver (Schenectady Schmeckles) - 20.4 Points

What a crazy week. Teams with their backs against the wall have stepped up and now other teams have positioned themselves in the corner, in the spotlight, losing their religion. The Schmeckles finally got their first win in their franchise's short existence, squeaking out a two point victory against Taco Corp as Phil Dawson could not provide Dave with another big performance in primetime. With the win, Chris has now found himself in the thick of the playoff hunt along with Dave, Aaron-Drew and JOE. Joe's capitalized due to the fact that he just turned 22 (HBD DOE) and also because his team has dropped an astounding four straight games and currently finds his team on the outside looking in. 

With all his team's talent, he has been unable to put together a winning combination due to numerous injuries and shorty performances from his stars such as LeSean McCoy and new acquisition Matt Stafford.  Joe, no stranger to Stafford's inconsistency, has now dropped 4 straight games when Stafford has been his starting quarterback dating back to the 2013 playoffs. His first week was stellar, posting 30 points in a loss but since then, he hasn't reached that total in the combined two weeks. Searching for a spark and simply just a win, Joe will take on the red-hot Team Next Year, helmed by resident genius Chreeyusz Caputo. A month ago, Chreeyusz had declared his season a wash due to the suspension of Adrian Peterson and Josh Gordon but has now magically won four straight games with a depleted lineup that has benefitted from great trades and stellar waiver pickups.

One of Chris' biggest critics was his opponent this weekend, everyone's favorite Mommy Slut, Josh Correra and team Slob On My Cobb.  Weeks before, in a weekly conversation about the league, Josh had mentioned to me that he thought Chreeyusz had "the worst team in the league" and wouldn't you know it, his squad was bested by Chris and now each of them are tied for the second spot in the league right behind your defending champ, your primary blogger, your commissioner and most importantly, your power forward, Nick Caputo. Fresh off his weekend extravaganza in Sin City, Nick "PapaGeorgio" (see, Vegas Vacation) dialed up another victory whilst scoring over 100 points in a week. For those counting at home (mainly just me), it's been 11 straight weeks since he's gone below the century mark and remains the top dog and the model of consistency in the fantasy football league. Everyone was promptly reminded with the weekly shirtless picture of the champ holding his 2013 prize. A grotesque sight, but it's too good of a picture to resist plaguing the eyes of his fellow league-mates.

Alright, enough about my successes. Other winners this weekend included Benny Fontana, Vinnie Crocitto and Willy Gavin, who makes his return to the 518 this weekend which shall prove to be a smashing good time. As for Ben, like the Browns, the Cookies pulled off an upset over "big brother" Brian Constantino and the Vinegar Strokes. I say big brother to remind everyone of the dominance that Brian has held over Cookies in the past. Be sure to peep the video above to know what I'm referring to. After numerous fights and altercations between the two, Ben finally has the upper hand and now can boast a .500 record after an 0-3 start. Let's just hope the success doesn't fade like everything else that Cleveland gets it's hands on (update, throw Ebola into the mix too). Vinnie has had an up and down season due to injuries and a few rough weeks. However, he's shown on multiple occasions that his squad has the ability to put up massive amounts of points each week. He's now a game out of first place at 4-2 and looks like he'll be in the postseason in his first season in the Slushie Sundays league.

To round out the recap, we discuss the dynamic team that is the Nard Dawgs. After a slow start, Will has climbed back to .500 with a blowout win of epic proportions. His 175 points were the most this season and the most in a regular season week all-time. The impressive part was that his leading scorer was 35 points this week by Colin Kaepernick, in addition to a record-setting day from T.Y. Hilton, who scorched the Texans on Thursday night. The team on the other side of last weekend's massacre was The DrewBree Brothers. The Brothers have struggled heavily in the past three weeks, losing their last three and now have found themselves out of the playoff picture. Getting absolutely no production from their running backs, Antonio Brown has cooled off and the team is really starting to lose ground in the standings. Hopefully they can bounce back in Week 7. Continue reading for the Week 7 Preview.

Week 6 Preview: Survive and Advance

It is safe to say that this season of Slushie Sundays Fantasy Football league is shaping up to be the best one yet. Every team has shown throughout the season that they are primed to make a deep playoff run, regardless of record. Now that the final undefeated team is now...defeated (SHIT), we can now start to take a legitimate look at the playoff picture, starting with the last four out. Consider this to be the last week of the NCAA basketball season. The last four teams out could drastically change in a matter of days by simply kicking off the second-third of the season with a big win. 

Currently, spots 1 to 11 are separated by TWO WINS. Insane. Which even leaves a glimmer of hope for rookie Chris Casey to guide the Schmeckles into the 8th seed. It would be unprecedented, but it is more than possible. All it takes is one win to turn a season around. If you're keeping track at home, the Schmeckles take on the upstart Taco Corp in search of their first win in 6 tries.

As for the rest of the league, one week could shake up the entire playoff picture. Several burning questions will be answered. Can Joe bounce back after three straight off weeks to beat Nick? Can Vinnie overcome injuries and byes or will Dom put the pressure on Josh in the division? Will Josh keep his torrid start going with a win over Chreeyusz? All the reverse jinxes in the world couldn't stop some of these teams, hope they can keep it up.

Pointing to another championship for Josh? Or pointing at Nick, Vinnie and Brian in his rearview?

The Heismanbergs (2-3) vs. Vinegar Strokes (3-2)

Two weeks ago, it had appeared the time was running out on the Hesimanbergs. Now, he's one win against the Vinegar Strokes from climbing back to .500 and becoming a legitimate contender. Can Ben ride the Broncos all the way to victory or will his beloved Jets shut down the high powered offense? With Vinegar Strokes without their stud running back Jamaal Charles yet again, Brian will need to rely on his Falcons trio for another week to keep pace with Nick in the division. Last time I watched a Bears-Falcons game, Matt Ryan put on a game-clock management clinic. Whoever wins this game will be putting up a boatload of points since each team has very favorable matchups.

The Nard Dawgs (2-3) vs. The DrewBree Brothers (2-3)

A pair of teams simply heading in the wrong direction. Fresh off a nail-biter against Vinegar Strokes, the Nard Dawgs look to rip off a few more wins to solidify themselves as a playoff squad. Gio Bernard has carried Will so far and will need to do it once again against the DrewBree Brothers, hungry for a win to end their losing streak. Interesting enough, both QBs play against one another on Monday night which will most likely decide the matchup. The Brothers will be missing Drew Brees and have called upon young Austin Davis to answer the bell. Davis has looked impressive so far in the first few starts and a clutch performance in primetime is just what Aaron and Drew need.

Chicken Parm U Taste So Good (2-3) vs. Shooter McGavin (4-1)

Friendly rivalry with a lot of implications. Joe's team has underperformed mightily these past few weeks and some are wondering if his team will be a force come playoff time. I believe will bounce back in full force, personally. Will it be this week? Maybe. But that week will come in the passing weeks that gets him clicking on a cylinders with his high powered lineup. AJ Green's injury may be the difference this week however. As for the defending champ, Shooter McGavin has a shot to redeem himself against a very tough opponent. Andrew Luck and Andre Johnson play tonight against Joe's DeAndre Hopkins and Arian Foster so we should have a pretty good indication of how this should turn out by midnight. Keep note of Nick increasing his impressive streak of scoring over 100 points in a week to 11 straight games dating back to last season. However, 5-1 start would sound a lot better.

Schenectady Schmeckles (0-5) vs. Taco Corp (2-3)

Poor Schmeckles. 0-5 in your first year after building a strong team out of the ashes of Drew's dumpster fire. Philip Rivers, Emmanuel Sanders and Antonio Gates have scored a lot of points but has zero luck. Maybe this is the time The Fighting Hebrews pull one out. Fresh off of Yom Kippur, they take on Taco Corp to attempt to climb out of the cellar. Taco Corp, coming off a clutch primetime performance from Danger-Russ Wilson, will look to get back to .500 and back into the division race. Chris is hoping Branden Oliver can replicate last week's breakout game against that "vaunted" Raiders run defense. Dave will lean on the Hawks mafia once again against Dallas to get him another win.

Team Next Year (3-2) vs. Slob On My Cobb (4-1)

Two of the hottest teams in the league square off this weekend as they attempt to seal a spot in the playoffs come December. Slob On My Cobb may or not be the best squad in the league at this point due to stellar play from Julius Thomas, DeMarco Murray and Dez Bryant. Can DeMarco keep this record breaking pace continue against Chreeyusz? For Chreeyusz, it's a sense of redemption after losing AP about a month ago. Basically giving up on the season, he has rifled off three straight W's to put himself right in the thick of things in the division race. His lineup might not blow people away, but he has a core of consistent players that can compete week in and week out. If Chris wants to pull off this upset, Jay Cutler and Alshon Jeffrey will need to have a repeat of last week to counterbalance Josh's Cowboys.

Kissing Suzy Kolber (3-2) vs. Team SSPD (3-2)

The two teams involved in a blockbuster trade weeks ago will square off this week to see who got the better end of the deal. Unfortunately, Jimmy Graham's on a bye and Megatron's nursing a mild ankle sprain. Vinnie will desperately need to adjust and hope that his bench can piece together a lineup good enough to win. Dom was one huge Russell Wilson performance away from being 4-1 and remaining tied for the division lead. Still, at 3-2, he's proving his doubters wrong and his team is becoming a solid unit. Kissing Suzy Kolber's health is a major issue and Dom is looking to exploit it this weekend. The primetime games will once again be a key factor in deciding this matchup. The winner moves to 4-2 and will continue to build towards their first playoff appearance.

Week 5 Recap: DE-THRONED

Largest Margin of Victory: The Heismanbergs over The DrewBree Brothers - 42.9
Most Points Scored: Kissing Suzy Kolber - 148  
Least Points Scored: The DrewBree Brothers - 82
Unsung Hero of the Week: Russell Wilson - 38.7 Points
Biggest Fantasy Duds: LeSean McCoy, Pierre Garcon
Best Waiver Pickup: Packers D (Slob On My Cobb) - 22 Points

For the fourth straight year in the Slushie Sundays league, there will not be an undefeated team. With a loss last night, Shooter McGavin, your defending champ once again fell to his baby brother Chreeyusz for the 4th straight time in their rivalry. In his first year (2012), Chreeyusz blew his brother out of the playoffs in the first round, which would go on to be the most lopsided playoff victory in league history. He has never lost to Dom or Nick and continues to reign over the Caputo household. Of course, none of this can be completely vilified until he wins my newest nightstand companion (the trophy, of course) but for now, Nick's undefeated hopes have been dashed by a 9th grader. Just how I drew it up.

Coming down to the wire, Nick put up 115 points but did not have enough to keep his streak going. An earlier trade with Chreeyusz on Wednesday was ultimately the difference as new additions Golden Tate and Terrance Williams shined in their debuts for Team Next Year. Since Shooter loses, Slob On My Cobb has cemented themselves atop the power rankings for yet another week with an impressive victory over main rival, Joe. 

The rest of the pack began to tighten up and teams are starting to make their collective pushes towards the playoffs. Injuries have been piling up with each passing week and it is crucial to remain active in trades and on the waiver wire. For the bottom four teams, (Chris, Will, Aaron, Dave) there is still alot of time left and the 2-3 record is shared by 5 different teams in the league. 

The AFC beat eachother up in division play and now first and last place has separated themselves by two measly wins. Four teams are in a tie for third and aren't even playing their best at the moment. I expect it to be a real dogfight to the finish that even Michael Vick couldn't resist getting in on the action.