Week 13 Preview: Win & Get In

Largest Margin of Victory: The Heismanbergs over Ebola Kills - 49.4

Most Points Scored: The Heismanbergs - 163.8  
Least Points Scored: Team Next Year - 86

Unsung Hero of the Week: Justin Forsett - 32 Points
Biggest Fantasy Duds: Andrew Luck, Calvin Johnson, Jonas Gray
Best Waiver Pickup: Daniel "Boom" Herron (Heismanbergs) - 15 Points

Well the time has finally come gentlemen, the final week of the 2014 Slushie Sunday season is upon us. Last week, we saw some unbelievable heroics from teams in "must-win" mode to keep their season alive with massive primetime performances. Most notably, Justin Forsett and Odell Beckham Jr. I'm sure by now everyone and their mothers have seen the ODB catch (maybe Barb hasn't...) but anyways, if you're reading fantasy moms, here it is...

If you were following my tweets that night, you would know that this was the most incredible catch i've ever seen in my life but it also had a lot more implications than the Giants blowing a huge lead eventually. Dom's fantasy season was severely at stake going into this game and ODB had to find a way to outscore Jimmy Graham the next night to allow Dom to stay afloat in the playoff hunt. In fact, this was only one of Beckham's 10 catches that night, earning him 31.5 points and a comfortable cushion for Dom to lock up his 5th win to force a "win and get in" scenario next week against Will, who also benefitted greatly from an amazing primetime performance.

Justin Forsett was already having himself a breakout fantasy season since he emerged as the leading back in the crowded Ravens backfield in wake of the Ray Rice scandal/TKO. He sealed his fantasy immortality Monday night with a 32-point performance, essentially putting The Nard Dawgs on his back to extend Will's season. Will and Aaron/Drew jockeyed back and forth all night with The DrewBree Brothers benefitting  from huge games from Steve Smith and Drew Brees, but alas, it wasn't enough. Forsett scored a late TD with 2 minutes left to eclipse the 175-yard plateau and gave Will a 15-point cushion to remain on life support for one final week.

For Aaron, it was another tough loss and now must win this weekend against Brian, which is never an easy task. In addition, with Dom holding the tiebreaker over the DrewBree Brothers, they would need Will to upset Dom as well in order to sneak into the 8th seed to face Shooter McGavin in a potential first-round matchup. However, the win might come for the Brothers easier than they thought as Brian has concocted a scheme to avoid facing Ben or Vinnie in the first round...let Aaron set his lineup this week in a twisted series of mind games ala Rodney Ruxin from The League (which he was wrong, it was actually Pete that let Ruxin choose his lineup, but whatever). Basically Ruxin gets so paranoid about who to play, ultimately causing him to lose.

Currently, Ebola Kills is the fourth seed and is slated to play Joe (AHHHH! BREADED) in the first round which apparently Brian prefers. If that's not bulletin board material for Joe next week in the playoffs, I'm not sure what is. It's certainly a bold strategy but we'll check back and see if it pays off. As for Joe, his team knocked off Shooter McGavin in another off-week for Nick as both teams look to gear up to possibly play each other in the second round, assuming they both can survive the opening round.

Speaking of the playoffs, I figured I'd dedicate this post to a sort of review of this past season and discuss potential playoff seeding, starting with the battle for first pick next year (keepers permitting). The Schmeckles and Taco Corp are the only teams eligible to secure the first pick next year but that doesn't mean the season was a complete failure. Securing the first selection in a keeper league was crucial this year as Arian Foster was selected first by Chris in his first ever draft. Although he had nagging injuries and was traded to Joe, Foster had one of the best years in the running back position. With the optional keeper rules, one of these two teams could say "fuck keepers" and start from scratch, taking more players before others get to select due to their high draft picks.

Currently, both Chris and Dave has players that easily be kept but is it more beneficial to start over completely and take advantage of the players that could potentially not be kept? This is what makes the new keeper rules so intriguing for future seasons...do you trust your current players? or do you want to risk other teams having the same mindset as you and letting all your fantasy studs be up for grabs? I believe we should vote that a deadline for keepers must occur at least a week before the draft so teams can accurately strategize for the impending 2015 draft, but thats for a later time. Anyways, this week, Taco Corp squares off against Shooter McGavin as a heavy underdog and with a loss, would secure him the number one pick for next season. However, it was this time last year that Dave pulled off the upset against Nick in the final week to squeak into the playoffs for his second career appearance. Shooter's team has been off the past two weeks but is looking to end the season on a strong note. For Nick, he's already wrapped up the number one overall seed with a division title and a chance to tie Will and Brian's record for most wins in a season with 11.

Chris' matchup seems like an easier task on the outside looking in but The Heismanbergs are becoming one of the most feared teams in the league. The Cookie Man is already being pegged as the dark horse to win the entire league and has Brian cowering in fear just so he doesn't have to play him. You may ask, why has Ben garnered this reputation? Due to his ability to score points and lots of them and it was full display last week as he unleashed a bukkake of fantasy points on Ebola Kills with Peyton and Demaryius tag-teaming Matt Ryan and Julio Jones for 69 (LOL) points alone en route to the most lopsided victory of the weekend. Ben has an outside shot of ending up as the 5 seed if he wins, and both Joe and Vinnie lose. So this is a very important game for the Cookie Man as well.

Josh has also clinched a division title and the second overall seed for next weekend's postseason but he can assist in the playoff seeding battle. With a win over Vinnie, Kissing Suzy Kolber runs the risk of slipping down to the seventh seed, assuming Ben wins. So Just must ask himself, who would he rather play in the first round??? A win gives him the opportunity to play Vinnie again, but a loss could allow him to take on Ben, where these two have some history against each other. We all remember opening week last year where Peyton dropped a 60-burger against Mommy Slut to start the season. Who would he rather face? Peyton or Aaron Rodgers? Sounds awful either way. Good luck Josh. There is also a chance he could face Dom if things fall in his favor.

Josh took care of business against Chreeyusz this past weekend and sealed the division title for Shooter (thanks). Now, Chris clings to the 3rd seed with a potential matchup against Vinnie in the first round but this is sure to change by this time next week. Team Next Year may have lost their shot at the division, but they did gain a HUGE piece just in time for the playoff run. Remember when Chris was questioned for acquiring Josh Gordon in the draft so early? Looks pretty smart right now. Gordon terrorized the Falcons last week, racking up 8 catches for 120 yards, which shows that he is truly back and ready to roll. With the Browns playing meaningful football in December for the first time since Kelly Holcombe (who?) was their starting QB (impressive name drop), Flash Gordon is poised to put Cleveland and Chris' team on his back for the remaining weeks. Since Jay Cutler is now playing for his job in Chicago, Chris also benefits from the Bears' desperation with his Cutler-Alshon combo that has saved him many times. TNY takes on Joe this weekend and a win would wrap up the 3rd seed, but a loss could prove costly. A loss to Joe and a win by Brian would move Chris down to 5th, meaning he would most likely play one of those teams. He has been the surprise of this entire season, can he keep it rolling for the upcoming weeks?

I think that's covered every team, right? If I didn't go too in-depth about your team I'm just simply saving it for the next preview. Hope this doesn't confuse people too much. In 6 days we'll all know our fates and the real fun begins. If you thought this week's preview was strong, you've got no idea what I've got in store for my first ever playoff preview. In addition, I would like to get as many people together in the playoff weeks together to watch with eachother, it would be awesome to see more smack talk, reverse jinxes and even some hazing (emotionally and physically) against one another. You know, like in D3: The Mighty Ducks where the Ducks and the Varsity spend about 10 minutes of the movie playing pranks to get in each other's heads before the final JV-Varsity scrimmage. Something along those lines, like putting rare fire ants into your opponents rooms and beds or taking your opponent out to a lavish and expensive dinner, only to have them pay for the entire meal that they ASSUMED WAS FREE, forcing you, the opponent to spend the night at restaurant cleaning the bathrooms and kitchen.

"Thanks for dinner....LOSERS?!?" - Greg Goldberg

**Disclaimer, on the slight chance I do lose first round of the playoffs, I will shutdown the site, hack into the league page, take the money and trophy and disappear off the grid to nestle into my new life as a hermit in the Appalachian Mountains, where there is no formal record of me actually losing and thus forever remaining defending champ of this league I care about so dearly. You might come to look for me, or the trophy but it is a lost cause. The Appalachians are the second largest mountain chain in the United States, spanning from New York to Alabama. Of course, you could always make a new trophy and continue the league without me but it won't be the same. Just remember that (not really, but just wanted to give you an idea of what I'd be capable of).

Oh and that brings to the point I was trying to make, don't expect a recap if I lose. Say what you want but i'll be in a SHIT mood, honestly. A mood that only Lucia's Calzones and Nico's Calzones and Taco Bell and copious amounts of alcohol can satisfy. Even then, I'll still be confined to my room, using the my closet as an outhouse (although the bathroom's 5 feet away) and using my blinds to block out the suns rays until I see fit that I can emerge from the shadows as a LOSER, a CHOKE ARTIST, and a DISGRACE. The emotional scarring will run so deep that I might die of internal bleeding. Graphic? Yes, but it is necessary to show you how badly I want a repeat championship and I know you all would feel the same way, if you were in my position and actually did something meaningful with your lives AKA 'Win a fantasy championship in the lat 12 months'.

Anyways............

Just want to thank everyone for participating this year and once again making it the best experience in fantasy sports, in my opinion. We may argue but its all part of our competitive nature and thats what makes the league great, the banter, the jokes, the intrigue and the upsets. Best of luck the rest of the season and Happy Thanksgiving. Just remember what we're all ultimately playing for, the trophy....that sits right next to my bed, because I won last year.

                                                                                                          (Nick's 2013 Title)